It seems all I hear these days are complaints about President Donald Trump’s war with Iran. As a humble oil executive, looking out on the Pacific Ocean from the wrap-around porch of my third mansion, I find these complaints deeply offensive.

Sure, the word “war” carries many negative connotations. But let’s look at the bottom line, which, in my case, is the oil industry’s bottom line. We’re doing great!

Just look at this New York Times headline from July 31: “Iran War Drives Oil Profits to Highest Levels in Years.” Huzzah!

ExxonMobil, Chevron are cashing in on the Iran war

In its second-quarter earnings report released that same day, Chevron showed it made $12.1 billion between April and June, up from $2.5 billion over those same months last year.

I asked the people who I pay to form a human abacus on my second mansion’s third polo field to calculate how big a jump that is, and they said it’s an almost fivefold increase. (They will receive extra beans in their sustenance canisters tonight!)

ExxonMobil earned $14.5 billion in the second quarter, more than double what it made last year.

Are we seeing these extravagant earnings because President Trump started an “unnecessary” war with Iran that has proved “intractable” and has driven up the price........

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