People are torn over whether stepdad’s ‘adult contract’ for 20-year-old stepdaughter is fair |
There’s an old saying that goes something like this: Parents should give their children enough so that they can succeed, but not so much that they don’t have to. Meaning, parents should help their adult children reach their goals because it’s hard to pull yourself up by the bootstraps when you have no boots. But they shouldn’t give them so much that they lose the desire to create something on their own.
This is a tricky balance for parents to strike if they have the means, and, of course, every child requires something different. The problem occurs when children aren’t doing much on their own, and you may have to create real-world consequences to get them to step out on their own.
An aunt on Reddit recently shared a contract that her sister and her husband gave to their 20-year-old niece. The contract was written so that the young woman would contribute to the home and abide by her parents’ rules. The aunt believes that the contract is too tough.
My niece was told she has to sign a contract to keep living at home—am I overreacting for thinking it’s too harsh? byu/Bitter_Art_4094 inAmIOverreacting
The young woman’s aunt didn’t like the contract
“My niece showed me this ‘contract’ her mom and stepdad are making her sign to keep living at home. She told them she isn’t signing it because she doesn’t agree with it, and they told her if she doesn’t sign it, she needs to move out,” the aunt wrote. “For context—she’s 20 but not very mature for her age. I’d say more like 15–16 emotionally. She has ADHD and depression. She does have a part-time job (which is her 1st job) that she’s had for a while and picks up shifts when she can.”
“I’m worried this is going to do the same thing it did to me, where instead of getting support when I was struggling, I just got more pressure and criticism,” she continued. “That didn’t help me move forward at all. If anything, it kept me stuck longer than I needed to be. I’m also worried that this is going to destroy any type of relationship they have.”
The contract had a list of rules:
Pay $200 a month in rent
Pay $100 for her cell phone plan
Pay a $5 maid fee for each time she skipped her chores
No guests after 10 p.m. without prior approval
The “adult child” must also maintain employment
No illicit activity or underage drinking
The contract stressed that living in the home was a “privilege, not a right” and that failure to comply would result in “termination of housing privileges.”
Most commenters thought the contract was a fair idea
The interesting thing was that, although the aunt passionately disagreed with the contract, most commenters thought it was a decent idea.
“If you feel this is unreasonable, are you offering for her to live in your home without an agreement?” one commenter asked the aunt.
“Also, ADHD is not something that incapacitates you from adhering to very simple rules,” another added. “This contract exists because the niece has been doing much of nothing for the last 2 years, and the parents need an exit ramp.”
A few commenters said the best thing the parents can do is save the rent money the young woman pays and give it to her when she’s ready to move out.
“I’d love if your sister, in turn, would save all that money for her and give it to her when she’s finally out on her own. That’s the only way to make this productive,” a commenter wrote.
What do the experts say?
Real Property Management Pros says charging your adult child rent is a great way to help them become responsible. “Asking your child to pay rent doesn’t mean you love them less. It means you’re preparing them for real life. That said, setting clear parental boundaries is critical,” the company wrote on its blog.
Ultimately, charging an adult child rent is a touchy subject. Still, it can become a positive experience for all parties if it’s communicated with love rather than seen as a punishment. It’s a great stepping stone for young adults to get out on their own and realize that it’s probably worth paying a bit more to a landlord than living under their parents’ rules.
A single door can open up a world of endless possibilities. For homeowners, the front door of their house is a gateway to financial stability, job security, and better health. Yet for many, that door remains closed. Due to the rising costs of housing, 1 in 3 people around the world wake up without the security of safe, affordable housing.
Since 1976, Habitat for Humanity has made it their mission to unlock and open the door to opportunity for families everywhere, and their efforts have paid off in a big way. Through their work over the past 50 years, more than 65 million people have gained access to new or improved housing, and the movement continues to gain momentum. Since 2011 alone, Habitat for Humanity has expanded access to affordable housing by a hundredfold.
A world where everyone has access to a decent home is becoming a reality, but there’s still much to do. As they celebrate 50 years of building, Habitat for Humanity is inviting people of all backgrounds and talents to be part of what comes next through Let’s Open the Door, a global campaign that builds on this momentum and encourages people everywhere to help expand access to safe, affordable housing for those who need it most. Here’s how the foundation to a better world starts with housing, and how everyone can pitch in to make it happen.
Globally, almost 3 billion people, including 1 in 6 U.S. families, struggle with high costs and other challenges related to housing. A crisis in itself, this also creates larger problems that affect families and communities in unexpected ways. People who lack affordable, stable housing are also more likely to experience financial hardship in other areas of their lives, since a larger share of their income often goes toward rent, utilities, and frequent moves. They are also more likely to experience health problems due to chronic stress or environmental factors, such as mold. Housing insecurity also goes hand-in-hand with unstable employment, since people may need to move further from their jobs or switch jobs altogether to offset the cost of housing.
Affordable homeownership creates a stable foundation for families to thrive, reducing stress and increasing the likelihood for good health and stable employment. Habitat for Humanity builds and repairs homes with individual families, but it also strengthens entire communities as well. The MicroBuild® Initiative, for example, strengthens communities by increasing access to loans for low-income families seeking to build or repair their homes. Habitat ReStore locations provide affordable appliances and building materials to local communities, in addition to creating job and volunteer opportunities that support neighborhood growth.
Everyone can play a part in the fight for housing equity and the pursuit of a better world. Over the past 50 years, Habitat for Humanity has become a leader in global housing thanks to an engaged network of volunteers—but you don’t need to be skilled with a hammer to make a meaningful impact. Building an equitable future means calling on a wide range of people and talents.Here’s how you can get involved in the global housing movement:
Speaking up on social media about the growing housing crisis
Volunteering on a Habitat for Humanity build in your local community
Travel and build with Habitat in the U.S. or in one of 60 countries where we work around the globe
Join the Let’s Open the Door movement and, when you donate, you can create your own personalized door
Shop or donate at your local Habitat ReStore
Every action, big and small, drives a global movement toward a better future. A safe home unlocks opportunity for families and communities alike, but it’s volunteers and other supporters, working together with a shared vision, who can open the door for everyone.
Visit habitat.org/open-door to learn more and get involved today.
According to the United Health Foundation, Louisiana is the least healthy state for women and children. For that state and many others, one major factor is the need to address the health of new mothers and their babies.
Most parents know how overwhelming it can feel to suddenly care for a newborn without much experienced help. With that in mind, New Orleans brought back house calls, sending nurses to support new mothers.
The program Family Connects New Orleans offers new mothers up to three in-home visits from a registered nurse for babies up to 12 weeks old. It allows nurses to check in on both the babies and their mothers to ensure they’re safe and healthy.
The nurses are also able to spot symptoms of postpartum depression earlier, allowing mothers to receive treatment sooner. According to Rosemary Westwood of WWNO, “About 10% of moms participating in the New Orleans program were eventually diagnosed with postpartum depression, compared with 6% of moms who did not get the visits.”
The nurses visit with supplies for the baby, perform examinations (such as checking the child’s weight), and help answer any questions from the mothers.
“We got to do some real things real differently, unless you like being number 50 all the time,” Dr. Jennifer Avegno, New Orleans’ health director, told NPR. “There is no more critical time and vulnerable time than right at birth and in the few weeks to months following birth.”
“You go, you have your delivery, you’re in the hospital and everything is there. You go home, there’s a bit of a honeymoon period, and then, for many women, you fall off a cliff,” Avegno told The Guardian. “It’s the time in your life when your resources are generally at their lowest. We often don’t know about it until you hit one of our systems later on, whether that’s child protection, whether it’s the ER, whether it’s substance use treatment.”
The program, which shows great potential for New Orleans, has found success in other states. When it was introduced in North Carolina, both mothers and their babies’ health significantly benefited from the home visits. In fact, a Duke University study of the program found that every dollar invested in the home visits saved $3.14 in healthcare billing before the child turned two.
@thatheitgirl Sometimes supporting a friend who’s deep in postpartum life feels overwhelming because you don’t always know what she needs or how to show up. That’s why this postpartum scale is such a game changer. I put together 17 simple, practical ways to use someone’s “number” to guide you; from knowing when to send help, to when to offer company, to when to just let her rest. It takes the guesswork out of supporting each other and makes showing up feel natural instead of awkward or intrusive. And even though I created this scale with postpartum moms in mind, it’s just as powerful for anyone navigating mental illness, chronic illness, burnout, or big emotional seasons. Sometimes people don’t have the words to explain where they’re at, but they can give you a number.........