Millennial mom is stunned when grandma compares parenting in the 80s to now |
Raising kids is tough no matter what generation you fall into, but it’s hard to deny that there was something much simpler about the childrearing days of yesteryear, before the internet offered a million and one ways that parents could be, and probably are, doing it all very, very wrong.
What’s especially fascinating is that our data and best-practices have gotten so much better over time. Parents in the 80s had no idea that crib bumpers were dangerous, just like their parents didn’t know that using whiskey as a sleep aid probably wasn’t the best idea! We know better, and yet, we’re burdened by the overwhelming amount of knowledge and potential dangers around us.
Taylor Wolfe, a millennial mom, nails this conundrum perfectly as she asks her own mother a series of rapid-fire questions about raising her during the 80s and the stark contrast in attitudes becomes blatantly apparent.
The conversation that hit a collective nerve
In a clip posted on TikTok, Wolfe and her mom sit side by side on the couch and have a fascinating discussion.
First off, Wolfe can’t comprehend how her mom survived without being able to Google everything. (Not even a parent, but I feel this.)
“What did we have to Google?” her mom asks while shaking her head incredulously.
“Everything! For starters, poop!” Wolfe says. “Cause you have to know if the color is an okay color, if it’s healthy!”
“I was a nursing mom, so if the poop came out green, it was because I ate broccoli,” her mom responds.
…Okay, fair point. But what about handy gadgets like baby monitors? How did Wolfe’s mom keep her kid alive without one?
“I was the monitor, going in and feeling you,” she says. Wolfe asked her mom how she slept without a baby monitor and knowing for certain, at every instant, that she was safe? “We just slept” her mom deadpanned.
Her mom’s answers are something else entirely
Could it really be that easy? It was for Wolfe’s mom, apparently. Rather than relying on technology, she simply felt her child and adjusted accordingly.
“If you were hot, you slept in a diaper. If you were cold, you had a blanket around you.” Done and done.
Wolfe then got into more existential questions, asking her mom if she ever felt the stress of “only having 18 summers” with her child, and how to make the most of it.
Without missing a beat, Wolfe’s mother says, “It’s summer, I still have you.”
Going by Wolfe’s mom, the 80s seems like a time with much less pressure on parents.
@thedailytay She had some big feelings. #parentsoftiktok #gentleparenting #satire #fyp #foryoupage #momlife #parents #millennialsoftiktok ♬ original sound – TaylorWolfe
She had some big feelings. #parentsoftiktok #gentleparenting #satire #fyp #foryoupage #momlife #parents #millennialsoftiktok ♬ original sound – TaylorWolfe
From feeding her kids McDonald’s fries guilt-free to being spared the judgment of internet trolls, she just sort of did the thing without worrying so much if she was doing it correctly.
Parents today are feeling it too
That’s nearly impossible in today’s world, as many viewers commented.
“Google just gives us too much information and it scares us,” one person quipped.
Another seconded, “I swear social media has made me wayyyy more of an anxious mom.”
“it’s almost like all the technology, and it’s advertising, leads to so much unnecessary anxiety” someone added.
Even a professional noted: “As someone who has worked in pediatrics since the 80s, the parents are way more anxious now.”
It’s no wonder that parents’ mental health is, collectively, in the toilet. We’re more stressed today about money, work-life balance, getting into good schools, signing up for activities that gobble up all our time… everything.
So what can modern parents actually do?
Experts say there are ways parents can manage the stresses of modern life, though. Reducing phone and social media use, for starters, is a good way to avoid ruminating on all the potential dangers of the world. Parents are also challenged to push themselves out of their comfort zone by allowing their child more freedom and independence than they’d normally be comfortable with. For example, letting your kids walk to school or go buy something from a store without your help.
I don’t think anyone truly wants to go back in time, per se. But many of us are yearning to bring more of this bygone mindset into the modern day. And the big takeaway here: No matter how many improvements we make to life, if the cost is our mental state, then perhaps it’s time to swing the pendulum back a bit.
This article originally appeared three years ago. It has been updated.
While a bottle of bubbles might seem out of place in a hospital setting, you might be surprised to learn that, for thousands of children around the world born with cleft lip and palate, they can be a helpful tool in comprehensive cleft care. Lilia, who was born with cleft lip and palate in 2020, is one of the many patients who received this care.
As a toddler, Lilia underwent two surgeries to treat cleft lip and palate with Operation Smile’s surgical program in Puebla, Mexico. Because of Operation Smile’s comprehensive care, it wasn’t long before her personality transformed: Lilia went from a quiet and withdrawn toddler to an exuberant, curious explorer, babbling, expressing herself with a variety of sounds, and engaging with others like any child her age.
Lilia is now a healthy five-year-old, with the same cheerful attitude and boundless energy. Her progress is the result of care at every level, from surgery to speech therapy to ongoing support at home—but it’s also evidence that small, sustained interventions throughout it all can make a meaningful difference.
Cleft Conditions: A Global Problem
Since 1982, Operation Smile has provided cleft lip and cleft palate surgeries to more than 500,000 patients worldwide with the help of generous volunteers and donors. Cleft conditions are congenital conditions, meaning they are present at birth. With cleft lip and palate, the lip or the roof of the mouth do not form fully during fetal development. Cleft conditions put children at risk for malnutrition and poor weight gain, since their facial structure can make feeding challenging. But cleft conditions can have an enormous social impact as well: Common difficulties with speech can leave kids socially isolated and unable to meet the same developmental milestones as their peers.
Surgery is a vital step in treating cleft conditions, but it’s also just one part of a much larger solution. Organizations like Operation Smile emphasize the importance of multi-disciplinary teams that provide comprehensive, long-term care to patients across many years. This approach, which includes oral care, speech therapy, nutritional support, and psychosocial care, not only aids in physical recovery from surgery but also helps children develop the skills and confidence to eat easily, speak clearly, and engage in everyday life. This ensures that each patient receives the full range of support they need to thrive.
A Playful (and Powerful) Solution
Throughout a patient’s care, simple tools like bubbles can play a meaningful role from start to finish.
Immediately before surgery, children are often in a new and unfamiliar environment far from home, some of them experiencing a hospital setting for the first time. When care providers or loved ones blow bubbles, it’s a simple yet effective technique: Not only are the children soothed and distracted, the bubbles also help create a sense of joy and playfulness that eases their anxiety.
In speech therapy, bubbles can take on an even more important role. Blowing bubbles requires controlled airflow, as well as the ability to form a rounded “O” shape with the lips, which are skills that children with cleft conditions may struggle to develop. Practicing these skills with bubbles allows children to gently strengthen their facial muscles, improve breath control, and support the motor skills needed for speech development. Beyond that, blowing bubbles can help kids connect with their parents or providers in a way that’s playful, comforting, and accessible even for very young patients.
Finally, bubbles often follow patients with cleft conditions home in the “smile bags” that each patient receives when the surgical procedure is finished. Smile bags, which help continue speech therapy outside of the hospital setting, can contain language enrichment booklets, a mirror, oxygen tubing, and bubbles. While regular practice with motor skills can help with physical recovery, small acts of play help as well, giving kids space to simply enjoy themselves and join in on what peers are able to do.
Bubbles at Home and Beyond
Today, because of Operation Smile’s dedication to comprehensive cleft care, Lilia is now able to make friends and speak clearly, all things that could have been difficult or impossible before. Instead of a childhood defined by limitation, Lilia—and others around the world—can look forward to a childhood filled with joy, learning, discovery, friends, and new possibilities.
CTA: Lilia’s life was changed for the better with the care she received through Operation Smile. Find out how you can make an impact in other children’s lives by visiting operationsmile.org today.
A woman who uses the Instagram handle Hope with Holly often makes videos in which she imparts wisdom from her own experiences. She’s candid in her discussions about feminism, marriage, divorce, finding courage, and much more. So when her daughter turned 19, it seemed like the perfect time to share 19 pieces of advice for a better life.
In a Reel dedicated to her daughter, she lays it all out with precision and love. Casually putting her hair in a ponytail while slicing a watermelon—and later placing strawberries on a white-frosted birthday cake—she looks straight into the camera and declares, “This is what all women should know by the time they turn 19.”
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You are not here to be chosen. You are here to choose.“And if you build your life around being picked, then you will tolerate things that you should walk away from.”
Your ability to earn money will determine your freedom.“Love matters. But money determines if you can leave if it turns unhealthy.”
Attraction is not a sign of safety.“Your nervous system can be drawn to chaos. It’s not a sign of safety. Know the difference.”
A man’s potential is irrelevant. His patterns are everything.“Only patterns matter. Patterns are who he is.”
Chemistry can lie. Character doesn’t.“Butterflies are often anxiety. And peace often feels like boredom. But it’s what lasts.”
If he can’t regulate his emotions, he will regulate them through you.“That means control, blame, withdrawal, anger, or defensiveness. Don’t let that happen.”
You cannot love someone into being healthy.“Love does not fix trauma. Only therapy, accountability, and effort do.”
Marriage will not fix a relationship.“It will amplify whatever’s there, whether it’s good or bad.”
Children will expose a relationship, not save it.“They do not bring you closer. They just expose what’s already broken…or strong.”
Your standards will cost you relationships—and that’s the point.
Loneliness is not an emergency.“Rushing........