The beloved sculptor Michelangelo once said, “Every block of stone has a statue inside it, and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it.”

Some have taken this idea and applied it to our psychological sense of self and to those around us. The idea is that when someone in our lives (a friend, family member, or romantic partner) sees our greatest potential, it can have an immeasurable impact on who we become.

It’s called the “Michelangelo Effect,” or the “Michelangelo Phenomenon.” In a clip from the Modern Wisdom podcast that has been making the rounds on social media, Chris Williamson explains the theory to his guest, Matthew McConaughey:

“The Michelangelo Effect describes a situation in a relationship, friendship, or intimate partnership where each partner sees the best in the other—and tries to help bring that out. So the sum of the parts is greater than it is individually. I think in life, you want to be finding people who believe in you more than you believe in you. That holds you to higher standards.”

McConaughey, ever the philosopher, agrees: “I think that’s a definition of a good friend. I think that’s the definition of a good partner. A good husband. Wife. They remind us of the best of ourselves.”

One Facebook user asked a question that many were perhaps thinking: “What does Michelangelo have to do with it?” The answer came quickly: “Because, as a sculptor, he was able to see his subject inside of the marble before he sculpted.”

We sculpt one another

In a research paper co-authored by Caryl E. Rusbult, Eli J. Finkel, and Madoka Kumashiro, the authors note that those closest to us can help “sculpt” us:

“The Michelangelo model suggests that close partners sculpt one another’s selves, shaping one another’s skills and traits and promoting versus inhibiting one another’s goal pursuits. As a result of the manner in which partners perceive and behave toward one another, each person enjoys greater or lesser success at attaining his or her ideal-self goals. Affirmation of one another’s ideal-self goals yields diverse benefits, both personal and relational.”

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In a piece for Psychology Today, Sara Eckel also explains the phenomenon using the example of a couple, Wendy and James, who saw the best potential in one another and were open to seeing themselves as they were seen.

“By acknowledging and accepting each other’s help, Wendy and James experienced what University of Pittsburgh psychologist Edward Orehek calls ‘mutual perceived instrumentality,’” Eckel wrote. “Orehek’s research, with Amanda Forest, indicates that when partners feel instrumental to each other, they are more satisfied with their relationship—though he admits that the word instrumental can sound off-putting.”

Romantic relationships

Essentially, it’s suggested that who we surround ourselves with can change the way we see ourselves. Eckel notes another author who explains how this can manifest in romantic relationships:

“Aaron Ben-Ze’ev, a professor at the University of Haifa and the author of The Arc of Love: How Our Romantic Lives Change Over Time, says that our partner’s beliefs and behavior toward us can bring us closer to the person we would like to become—the ‘ideal self’—in a process called the Michelangelo Phenomenon.

‘Just as Michelangelo saw his process of sculpting as releasing the ideal forms hidden in the marble,’ says Ben-Ze’ev, ‘close partners sculpt one another to bring each individual nearer to the ideal self, thus bringing out the best in each other. In such relationships, we see personal growth and flourishing reflected in statements like: ‘I’m a better person when I’m with her.’”

On the Armani Talks podcast, the idea is summed up quite poetically: “The Michelangelo Phenomenon is a psychological principle that human beings are sculpted by those who we deem important.”

While a bottle of bubbles might seem out of place in a hospital setting, you might be surprised to learn that, for thousands of children around the world born with cleft lip and palate, they can be a helpful tool in comprehensive cleft care. Lilia, who was born with cleft lip and palate in 2020, is one of the many patients who received this care. 

As a toddler, Lilia underwent two surgeries to treat cleft lip and palate with Operation Smile’s surgical program in Puebla, Mexico. Because of Operation Smile’s comprehensive care, it wasn’t long before her personality transformed: Lilia went from a quiet and withdrawn toddler to an exuberant, curious explorer, babbling, expressing herself with a variety of sounds, and engaging with others like any child her age. 

Lilia is now a healthy five-year-old, with the same cheerful attitude and boundless energy. Her progress is the result of care at every level, from surgery to speech therapy to ongoing support at home—but it’s also evidence that small, sustained interventions throughout it all can make a meaningful difference. 

Cleft Conditions: A Global Problem

Since 1982, Operation Smile has provided cleft lip and cleft palate surgeries to more than 500,000 patients worldwide with the help of generous volunteers and donors. Cleft conditions are congenital conditions, meaning they are present at birth. With cleft lip and palate, the lip or the roof of the mouth do not form fully during fetal development. Cleft conditions put children at risk for malnutrition and poor weight gain, since their facial structure can make feeding challenging. But cleft conditions can have an enormous social impact as well: Common difficulties with speech can leave kids socially isolated and unable to meet the same developmental milestones as their peers. 

Surgery is a vital step in treating cleft conditions, but it’s also just one part of a much larger solution. Organizations like Operation Smile emphasize the importance of multi-disciplinary teams that provide comprehensive, long-term care to patients across many years. This approach, which includes oral care, speech therapy, nutritional support, and psychosocial care, not only aids in physical recovery from surgery but also helps children develop the skills and confidence to eat easily, speak clearly, and engage in everyday life. This ensures that each patient receives the full range of support they need to thrive. 

A Playful (and Powerful) Solution

Throughout a patient’s care, simple tools like bubbles can play a meaningful role from start to finish. 

Immediately before surgery, children are often in a new and unfamiliar environment far from home, some of them experiencing a hospital setting for the first time. When care providers or loved ones blow bubbles, it’s a simple yet effective technique: Not only are the children soothed and distracted, the bubbles also help create a sense of joy and playfulness that eases their anxiety. 

In speech therapy, bubbles can take on an even more important role. Blowing bubbles requires controlled airflow, as well as the ability to form a rounded “O” shape with the lips, which are skills that children with cleft conditions may struggle to develop. Practicing these skills with bubbles allows children to gently strengthen their facial muscles, improve breath control, and support the motor skills needed for speech development. Beyond that, blowing bubbles can help kids connect with their parents or providers in a way that’s playful, comforting, and accessible even for very young patients. 

Finally, bubbles often follow patients with cleft conditions home in the “smile bags” that each patient receives when the surgical procedure is finished. Smile bags, which help continue speech therapy outside of the hospital setting, can contain language enrichment booklets, a mirror, oxygen tubing, and bubbles. While regular practice with motor skills can help with physical recovery, small acts of play help as well, giving kids space to simply enjoy themselves and join in on what peers are able to do.

Bubbles at Home and Beyond

Today, because of Operation Smile’s dedication to comprehensive cleft care, Lilia is now able to make friends and speak clearly, all things that could have been difficult or impossible before. Instead of a childhood defined by limitation, Lilia—and others around the world—can look forward to a childhood filled with joy, learning, discovery, friends, and new possibilities.  

CTA: Lilia’s life was changed for the better with the care she received through Operation Smile. Find out how you can make an impact in other children’s lives by visiting operationsmile.org today. 

Getting married is one of the biggest life-changing decisions most people have to make—and also one of the most stressful, according to the Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory (also known as the Life Change Index Scale.) Even before getting engaged, much thought, time and care are required before exchanging vows.

Deciding to commit your life to someone in marriage is something German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900) spent a lot of time thinking about. He offered his wise thoughts on marriage to others during his life.

Nietzsche’s advice on whether someone should marry their partner comes down to one simple question. His advice is applicable to anyone debating getting engaged, newly married, or simply dating someone they might consider as a life partner. Nietzsche’s straightforward question can help people decide if one should walk confidently (or not) into marriage.

Friedrich Nietzsche’s important marriage question

Nietzche shared his wisdom with people wondering whether their partner is truly “the one.” He summed up his thoughts with this simple quote and question:

“[D]o you believe you are going to enjoy talking with this woman [or partner] up into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory, but most of the time you are together will be devoted to conversation.”

According to Nietzsche, the most important thing that will hold a marriage together is not attraction, money, or compatibility. It simply comes down to: do you enjoy talking to this person?

@iammarkmanson Marriage isn’t a moment. It’s a lifelong conversation. ♬ original sound – Mark Manson

Marriage isn’t a moment. It’s a lifelong conversation.

Response to Nietzsche’s marriage advice

Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck Mark Manson shared why he strongly believes the advice is the secret for a happy marriage on a recent episode of the Pursuit of Wonder podcast.

He shared, “My........

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