Mom shares 19 gems of knowledge for her daughter’s 19th birthday |
A woman who uses the Instagram handle Hope with Holly often makes videos in which she imparts wisdom from her own experiences. She’s candid in her discussions about feminism, marriage, divorce, finding courage, and much more. So when her daughter turned 19, it seemed like the perfect time to share 19 pieces of advice for a better life.
In a Reel dedicated to her daughter, she lays it all out with precision and love. Casually putting her hair in a ponytail while slicing a watermelon—and later placing strawberries on a white-frosted birthday cake—she looks straight into the camera and declares, “This is what all women should know by the time they turn 19.”
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You are not here to be chosen. You are here to choose.“And if you build your life around being picked, then you will tolerate things that you should walk away from.”
Your ability to earn money will determine your freedom.“Love matters. But money determines if you can leave if it turns unhealthy.”
Attraction is not a sign of safety.“Your nervous system can be drawn to chaos. It’s not a sign of safety. Know the difference.”
A man’s potential is irrelevant. His patterns are everything.“Only patterns matter. Patterns are who he is.”
Chemistry can lie. Character doesn’t.“Butterflies are often anxiety. And peace often feels like boredom. But it’s what lasts.”
If he can’t regulate his emotions, he will regulate them through you.“That means control, blame, withdrawal, anger, or defensiveness. Don’t let that happen.”
You cannot love someone into being healthy.“Love does not fix trauma. Only therapy, accountability, and effort do.”
Marriage will not fix a relationship.“It will amplify whatever’s there, whether it’s good or bad.”
Children will expose a relationship, not save it.“They do not bring you closer. They just expose what’s already broken…or strong.”
Your standards will cost you relationships—and that’s the point.
Loneliness is not an emergency.“Rushing to fill it is how you end up in the wrong life.”
A man who wants you will pursue you with clarity.“If you feel confused about him, that’s your answer. Walk away.”
Sex is not a currency for love.“Instead, it’s the byproduct of a healthy relationship—and an emotionally safe relationship.”
Your body will change. Your value does not.“Anyone who ties your worth to your youth is not a safe person.”
Pay attention to how he handles the word “no.”“That will tell you everything you need to know about him.”
You teach people how to treat you by what you tolerate.“Boundaries are not words. They’re decisions. Enforce them.”
Healing is your responsibility.“What happened to you was not your fault. But what you allow to continue is your responsibility.”
Build a life that you do not need to escape from.“Then choose a partner who enhances it.”
You are allowed to want more.“More respect. More peace. Settling is not maturity. It’s just fear dressed up as acceptance.”
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She adds, “Now I don’t need you to be perfect, girl. But I do need you to be powerful enough to walk away from anything that’s not perfect for you. Happy birthday, honey!”
The comment section is filled with support, especially from people who say they wish they’d learned these lessons earlier.
“I can only imagine how different my life would have looked had I heard this narrative by 19. Learning all this by 39. Better late than never. Thanks, mama.”
Some are also highly focused on her decorating and baking skills: “Now let me watch this again but this time without getting highly distracted by all the layers of that awesome fruit tower.”
And one 19-year-old was especially grateful, writing, “I turned 19 two months ago, seeing every woman wishing they heard these when they were younger, I would like thank you so much that you reached me in the right time 🙂 Happy birthday to your daughter and wishing your family the best 💛”
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While a bottle of bubbles might seem out of place in a hospital setting, you might be surprised to learn that, for thousands of children around the world born with cleft lip and palate, they can be a helpful tool in comprehensive cleft care. Lilia, who was born with cleft lip and palate in 2020, is one of the many patients who received this care.
As a toddler, Lilia underwent two surgeries to treat cleft lip and palate with Operation Smile’s surgical program in Puebla, Mexico. Because of Operation Smile’s comprehensive care, it wasn’t long before her personality transformed: Lilia went from a quiet and withdrawn toddler to an exuberant, curious explorer, babbling, expressing herself with a variety of sounds, and engaging with others like any child her age.
Lilia is now a healthy five-year-old, with the same cheerful attitude and boundless energy. Her progress is the result of care at every level, from surgery to speech therapy to ongoing support at home—but it’s also evidence that small, sustained interventions throughout it all can make a meaningful difference.
Cleft Conditions: A Global Problem
Since 1982, Operation Smile has provided cleft lip and cleft palate surgeries to more than 500,000 patients worldwide with the help of generous volunteers and donors. Cleft conditions are congenital conditions, meaning they are present at birth. With cleft lip and palate, the lip or the roof of the mouth do not form fully during fetal development. Cleft conditions put children at risk for malnutrition and poor weight gain, since their facial structure can make feeding challenging. But cleft conditions can have an enormous social impact as well: Common difficulties with speech can leave kids socially isolated and unable to meet the same developmental milestones as their peers.
Surgery is a vital step in treating cleft conditions, but it’s also just one part of a much larger solution. Organizations like Operation Smile emphasize the importance of multi-disciplinary teams that provide comprehensive, long-term care to patients across many years. This approach, which includes oral care, speech therapy, nutritional support, and psychosocial care, not only aids in physical recovery from surgery but also helps children develop the skills and confidence to eat easily, speak clearly, and engage in everyday life. This ensures that each patient receives the full range of support they need to thrive.
A Playful (and Powerful) Solution
Throughout a patient’s care, simple tools like bubbles can play a meaningful role from start to finish.
Immediately before surgery, children are often in a new and unfamiliar environment far from home, some of them experiencing a hospital setting for the first time. When care providers or loved ones blow bubbles, it’s a simple yet effective technique: Not only are the children soothed and distracted, the bubbles also help create a sense of joy and playfulness that eases their anxiety.
In speech therapy, bubbles can take on an even more important role. Blowing bubbles requires controlled airflow, as well as the ability to form a rounded “O” shape with the lips, which are skills that children with cleft conditions may struggle to develop. Practicing these skills with bubbles allows children to gently strengthen their facial muscles, improve breath control, and support the motor skills needed for speech development. Beyond that, blowing bubbles can help kids connect with their parents or providers in a way that’s playful, comforting, and accessible even for very young patients.
Finally, bubbles often follow patients with cleft conditions home in the “smile bags” that each patient receives when the surgical procedure is finished. Smile bags, which help continue speech therapy outside of the hospital setting, can contain language enrichment booklets, a mirror, oxygen tubing, and bubbles. While regular practice with motor skills can help with physical recovery, small acts of play help as well, giving kids space to simply enjoy themselves and join in on what peers are able to do.
Bubbles at Home and Beyond
Today, because of Operation Smile’s dedication to comprehensive cleft care, Lilia is now able to make friends and speak clearly, all things that could have been difficult or impossible before. Instead of a childhood defined by limitation, Lilia—and others around the world—can look forward to a childhood filled with joy, learning, discovery, friends, and new possibilities.
CTA: Lilia’s life was changed for the better with the care she received through Operation Smile. Find out how you can make an impact in other children’s lives by visiting operationsmile.org today.
Picky eaters are a huge challenge for many parents, even though it’s considered a normal developmental stage. Harvard Health Publishing writes that young children being picky about food is one way they learn to assert their independence, for example.
Even though it’s extremely common and normal, experts also recommend that parents start early to break picky eating habits; once those habits get locked into place, they’re even tougher to break. Which is just one more thing for overloaded parents to worry about when planning meals is already difficult enough.
One well-qualified mom demonstrates her thoughtful technique for getting picky eaters to “eat anything”
Fitness coach Mel Avan, who has taught university-level health, wellness, and nutrition courses, has developed a method. It involves a lot of trial and error while raising a picky eater of her very own.
In a video posted to YouTube, she not only explains the technique, but also demonstrates it in real time as she attempts to feed her skeptical son a noodle.
It starts with creating a little scarcity. She’s not overly animated about it, but she subtly creates the mystique that the pasta is something of a treat. “Come try this,” she says. “You can only have one piece.”
Then, she stays completely neutral. She doesn’t hype up how good it is or rave about how healthy it might be. Her son says it looks like a noodle. She agrees stoically. “It is a noodle.”
Then she, in her words, shuts up. “I let him lead the interaction. I ask questions, but I don’t share my opinion or give praise.” Not even to applaud him for being willing to try it.
Finally, she waits. Sure enough, a few minutes later, her son announces he’s hungry and that he “wants the pasta.”
Mission accomplished.
She elaborates in the caption that the entire thing hinges on decreasing pressure. A small portion lowers pressure. A neutral tone lowers pressure. A slow pace lowers pressure. And allowing the child to come to you when they want more makes it their idea........