Elderly people are asked to define ‘love,’ and their answers are truly raw and heartfelt |
When we’re young, we’re so often overwhelmed by new love. The beginnings of things can feel like we’re being whisked into another dimension, and then if or when it falls apart, those crashes can feel devastating. With time, the hope is that wisdom follows.
After a lifetime of experience—big loves and heartbreaks—older people often have a clearer rearview mirror when it comes to love.
William Rossy (who uses the name @Sprouht on social media) has over one million subscribers on YouTube alone and claims to have interviewed the elderly in “35 countries.” (He was even fortunate enough to interview Dalai Lama for life advice.) He asks people in their 70s, 80s, and 90s to share their deepest thoughts with questions like, “What’s a big regret you have that taught you a valuable lesson?” “What advice would you have for younger generations?” And, powerfully, “How would you define love?”
A woman in her 80s answers, “Love, to me, is a commitment. It isn’t just something that happens to you. Ya know, like ‘Pow—LOVE!’ It’s something you work at, something you have to nourish.” Her friend adds, “You grow into it; it doesn’t just happen at first sight.”
Of her third (and she says hopefully “final”) husband, she says, “We both had a lot of baggage. We met when we were 72, so you’re gonna have a lot of baggage. So you give each other a generous baggage allowance.” She adds, “It’s not easy to share your life with a person. You’re never gonna have the exact same response to things. Recognizing that your point of view may not be the other person’s point of view. A lot of tolerance.”
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A man in his 90s, who has been married for 67 years, answers that the secret to such a long relationship has been “compromise.” Adding, “No question. Very few things in life are worth fighting over. I want to go downtown, and she wants to go to Westmount Square. So? We went to Westmount Square, and I’m very happy.”
When he’s specifically asked to “define the word love,” he answers, “Extreme respect and caring. No more than that. The physical side dies early.”
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People in the same age range are asked about life regrets; again, the answers are truly eye-opening. One woman mentions she didn’t have children. When pushed to answer, she first says she has no regrets, but when asked, “Did you ever regret it?” she answers, “I did feel it was something I should have, perhaps, done. But I wasn’t cut out for it.” Someone counters in the comments, “Admitting you are not cut out for children despite wanting them shows massive self-awareness. It is better to not have them than to have them and not look after them properly.”
One man, whose wife passed away after a 55-year marriage, advises the younger generations to always talk. “Sit down and talk, no matter the disagreement.”
Near the end of the clip, Rossy references a dear friend in Montreal who painted a drawing of an older person sitting on a bench with a younger one. He shows the painting to the elderly people he’s speaking with and asks, “What advice would you give to me on living a great life? Maybe something you wish me and people my age would know a little sooner?”
One woman very directly answers, “Make a point of liking and knowing as many people as you can.”
A 96-year-old woman, as she holds her cute dog, says, “Look after yourself. Take care of yourself. Don’t abuse yourself.”
Another discusses the importance of travel. “Keep your options open. Travel is a big way to open your mind. Make sure that whatever you do in life, you have some international travel.”
A man seconds the travel advice. “Travel. Expose yourself. And for God’s sake, be tolerant.”
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And lastly, a woman quite simply admits, “I’ve kind of learned that I don’t like to give advice. Because I don’t actually like it when people give me advice. I don’t have any advice, but I’ve got a lot of experience.”
This article originally appeared 6 months ago. It has been updated.
While a bottle of bubbles might seem out of place in a hospital setting, you might be surprised to learn that, for thousands of children around the world born with cleft lip and palate, they can be a helpful tool in comprehensive cleft care. Lilia, who was born with cleft lip and palate in 2020, is one of the many patients who received this care.
As a toddler, Lilia underwent two surgeries to treat cleft lip and palate with Operation Smile’s surgical program in Puebla, Mexico. Because of Operation Smile’s comprehensive care, it wasn’t long before her personality transformed: Lilia went from a quiet and withdrawn toddler to an exuberant, curious explorer, babbling, expressing herself with a variety of sounds, and engaging with others like any child her age.
Lilia is now a healthy five-year-old, with the same cheerful attitude and boundless energy. Her progress is the result of care at every level, from surgery to speech therapy to ongoing support at home—but it’s also evidence that small, sustained interventions throughout it all can make a meaningful difference.
Cleft Conditions: A Global Problem
Since 1982, Operation Smile has provided cleft lip and cleft palate surgeries to more than 500,000 patients worldwide with the help of generous volunteers and donors. Cleft conditions are congenital conditions, meaning they are present at birth. With cleft lip and palate, the lip or the roof of the mouth do not form fully during fetal development. Cleft conditions put children at risk for malnutrition and poor weight gain, since their facial structure can make feeding challenging. But cleft conditions can have an enormous social impact as well: Common difficulties with speech can leave kids socially isolated and unable to meet the same developmental milestones as their peers.
Surgery is a vital step in treating cleft conditions, but it’s also just one part of a much larger solution. Organizations like Operation Smile emphasize the importance of multi-disciplinary teams that provide comprehensive, long-term care to patients across many years. This approach, which includes oral care, speech therapy, nutritional support, and psychosocial care, not only aids in physical recovery from surgery but also helps children develop the skills and confidence to eat easily, speak clearly, and engage in everyday life. This ensures that each patient receives the full range of support they need to thrive.
A Playful (and Powerful) Solution
Throughout a patient’s care, simple tools like bubbles can play a meaningful role from start to finish.
Immediately before surgery, children are often in a new and unfamiliar environment far from home, some of them experiencing a hospital setting for the first time. When care providers or loved ones blow bubbles, it’s a simple yet effective technique: Not only are the children soothed and distracted, the bubbles also help create a sense of joy and playfulness that eases their anxiety.
In speech therapy, bubbles can take on an even more important role. Blowing bubbles requires controlled airflow, as well as the ability to form a rounded “O” shape with the lips, which are skills that children with cleft conditions may struggle to develop. Practicing these skills with bubbles allows children to gently strengthen their facial muscles, improve breath control, and support the motor skills needed for speech development. Beyond that, blowing bubbles can help kids connect with their parents or providers in a way that’s playful, comforting, and accessible even for very young patients.
Finally, bubbles often follow patients with cleft conditions home in the “smile bags” that each patient receives when the surgical procedure is finished. Smile bags, which help continue speech therapy outside of the hospital setting, can contain language enrichment booklets, a mirror, oxygen tubing, and bubbles. While regular practice with motor skills can help with physical recovery, small acts of play help as well, giving kids space to simply enjoy themselves and join in on what peers are able to do.
Bubbles at Home and Beyond
Today, because of Operation Smile’s dedication to comprehensive cleft care, Lilia is now able to make friends and speak clearly, all things that could have been difficult or impossible before. Instead of a childhood defined by limitation, Lilia—and others around the world—can look forward to a childhood filled with joy, learning, discovery, friends, and new possibilities.
CTA: Lilia’s life was changed for the better with the care she received through Operation Smile. Find out how you can make an impact in other children’s lives by visiting operationsmile.org today.
There are only a few things in this life we can’t evade. One of them is aging. Sure, there’s Botox and facelifts and all that jazz to help us look younger. But in the end, our cells simply insist on keeping score, and no matter how hard some might fight it, our DNA is bombarded with hits that will eventually take us down.
The good news is that with years often comes wisdom. I like to think of our minds as though they were hiking trails. Each trail has a sign, but instead of telling us which way to go, the signs remind us who we are. This past week, I was honored to read some of those signs at the senior home where my mom resides. Nearly every conversation, at least for me, yielded little sage sachets of advice that are truly invaluable.
Know someone before you marry them.
A woman in her early 80s shared that it takes about a year for someone’s “true nature” to be revealed, even in the most intimate of relationships. (This, at least according to a professor she had in graduate school.) In other words, she says, “A person can hide their psychological pathologies, on average, for about a year.”
So, she wishes younger people would wait at least that long before moving in or getting married. “Slow down,” she said. “Really take your time before you take the leap. Everyone puts their best foot forward at first and then sometimes that mask can slip. Don’t get stuck.”
Some research shows that the “honeymoon phase” can, of course, vary in length. Brides.com shares, “The honeymoon phase is an early part of a couple’s relationship where everything seems carefree and happy. It usually lasts from six months to two years and can be marked with lots of laughs, intimacy, and fun dates.”
No matter how long that phase lasts, her advice to slow down and really get to know someone before fully committing seems like (mostly) a good idea.
Listen to your doctors
A doctor examining a patient’s wristu00a0with a stethoscope Photo by CDC on Unsplash
I met a woman who was a retired OBGYN. We talked at length about perimenopause, hormones, and life after 50. She urges, “Do the research, but also (for the most part) listen to your doctors. Most of them know what they’re doing.”
We both kind of laughed, and then she leaned in and said, “No. Really.” She added, “Nothing wrong with getting a second, or even third opinion. But listen and read all you can before it’s too late.”
Understand that time is precious
Two men play chess.........