C.S. Lewis perfectly articulated how losing a friend affects your other friendships |
When a friend dies, it can feel like a part of you died with them. And in some sense, it’s true. The parts of you that a friend brings out may not come out the same way with anyone else. Each of our relationships has its own unique dynamic, and every friendship taps into different parts of us.
Author C.S. Lewis wrote about this truth in his book, The Four Loves. But he took it a step further to explain how losing one friend in a group changes our friendships with others who knew them, too.
It may look like a math story problem at first, but stick with it: “If, of three friends (A, B, and C), A should die, then B loses not only A, but ‘A’s part in C,’ while C loses not only A but ‘A’s part in B.’”
C.S. Lewis’ incredible observation on friendship pic.twitter.com/jHpRh3qgUe— Istra of Glome (@byistra) May 5, 2026
C.S. Lewis’ incredible observation on friendship pic.twitter.com/jHpRh3qgUe— Istra of Glome (@byistra) May 5, 2026
“In each of my friends, there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out,” he explains. “By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets.”
Then he gives an example to illustrate. (The word Caroline might be confusing—it’s a formal adjective meaning “Charles-like.”):
“Now that Charles is dead, I shall never again see Ronald’s reaction to a specifically Caroline joke. Far from having more of Ronald, having him ‘to myself’ now that Charles is away, I have less of Ronald.”
Group friendships can sometimes suffer from perceptions of favoritism or jealousy, but Lewis tosses that idea on its head.
This is exactly how I feel. It is not only my friend who died but a part of me that died with him and will never come back. by inGriefSupport
“Hence true Friendship is the least jealous of loves,” Lewis wrote. “Two friends delight to be joined by a third, and three by a fourth, if only the newcomer is qualified to become a real friend. They can then say, as the blessed souls say in Dante, ‘Here comes one who will augment our loves.’ For in this love ‘to divide is not to take away.’”
Is C.S. Lewis right about friendships and jealousy?
The idea that different friends bring out different parts of us and the effect of friend loss on a friend group’s individual relationships feels pretty spot on. But what about friendship being the “least jealous of loves” part? Is that true?
We’ve likely all seen or experienced the reality of group friendships, which can sometimes involve some feelings of jealousy. Maybe two friends hang out more with each other than they do with others in the group. Perhaps one friend makes a new connection with someone outside the friend group and starts pulling away. Jealousy can creep in when friendships shift.
“Two is not in fact the perfect number for friendship… friendship is by nature the least jealous of all loves.”C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves— Messenger901 (@Messenger901) January 27, 2024
“Two is not in fact the perfect number for friendship… friendship is by nature the least jealous of all loves.”C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves— Messenger901 (@Messenger901) January 27, 2024
In an ideal world, Lewis is right that to divide love doesn’t take anything away, but that doesn’t mean jealousy never happens. And though it can pose problems, jealousy in friendship isn’t always a bad thing.
In fact, a study from Arizona State University, Oklahoma State University, and Hamilton College found that feelings of jealousy can actually be a useful tool in maintaining friendships.
“Getting jealous can sometimes be a signal that a friendship is threatened, and this signal can help us jump into action to invest in a friendship that we might have been neglecting,” said Athena Aktipis, assistant professor of psychology at ASU and author on the paper.
Friendships are good for us, even if we don’t technically need them
Lewis also wrote in The Four Loves, “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art…. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”
Modern science agrees. Greek researchers conducted a meta-study of adult friendships and well-being, analyzing 38 research articles published from 2000 to 2019, and found:
“Although individuals could reap the benefits of friendship from other social sources as well, it became evident that friendship is a special type of relationship, with a unique contribution to wellbeing. As a result, friendships have survived through the years and, in our days, are considered as vital to psychological flourishing.”
Here’s to the friends who bring out the parts of us we might otherwise never see and who contribute to our psychological flourishing.
A single door can open up a world of endless possibilities. For homeowners, the front door of their house is a gateway to financial stability, job security, and better health. Yet for many, that door remains closed. Due to the rising costs of housing, 1 in 3 people around the world wake up without the security of safe, affordable housing.
Since 1976, Habitat for Humanity has made it their mission to unlock and open the door to opportunity for families everywhere, and their efforts have paid off in a big way. Through their work over the past 50 years, more than 65 million people have gained access to new or improved housing, and the movement continues to gain momentum. Since 2011 alone, Habitat for Humanity has expanded access to affordable housing by a hundredfold.
A world where everyone has access to a decent home is becoming a reality, but there’s still much to do. As they celebrate 50 years of building, Habitat for Humanity is inviting people of all backgrounds and talents to be part of what comes next through Let’s Open the Door, a global campaign that builds on this momentum and encourages people everywhere to help expand access to safe, affordable housing for those who need it most. Here’s how the foundation to a better world starts with housing, and how everyone can pitch in to make it happen.
Globally, almost 3 billion people, including 1 in 6 U.S. families, struggle with high costs and other challenges related to housing. A crisis in itself, this also creates larger problems that affect families and communities in unexpected ways. People who lack affordable, stable housing are also more likely to experience financial hardship in other areas of their lives, since a larger share of their income often goes toward rent, utilities, and frequent moves. They are also more likely to experience health problems due to chronic stress or environmental factors, such as mold. Housing insecurity also goes hand-in-hand with unstable employment, since people may need to move further from their jobs or switch jobs altogether to offset the cost of housing.
Affordable homeownership creates a stable foundation for families to thrive, reducing stress and increasing the likelihood for good health and stable employment. Habitat for Humanity builds and repairs homes with individual families, but it also strengthens entire communities as well. The MicroBuild® Initiative, for example, strengthens communities by increasing access to loans for low-income families seeking to build or repair their homes. Habitat ReStore locations provide affordable appliances and building materials to local communities, in addition to creating job and volunteer opportunities that support neighborhood growth.
Everyone can play a part in the fight for housing equity and the pursuit of a better world. Over the past 50 years, Habitat for Humanity has become a leader in global housing thanks to an engaged network of volunteers—but you don’t need to be skilled with a hammer to make a meaningful impact. Building an equitable future means calling on a wide range of people and talents.Here’s how you can get involved in the global housing movement:
Speaking up on social media about the growing housing crisis
Volunteering on a Habitat for Humanity build in your local community
Travel and build with Habitat in the U.S. or in one of 60 countries where we work around the globe
Join the Let’s Open the Door movement and, when you donate, you can create your own personalized door
Shop or donate at your local Habitat ReStore
Every action, big and small, drives a global movement toward a better future. A safe home unlocks opportunity for families and communities alike, but it’s volunteers and other supporters, working together with a shared vision, who can open the door for everyone.
Visit habitat.org/open-door to learn more and get involved today.
Robin Williams was notorious for making his scene partners crack up and break character with his off-the-cuff antics. However, one costar remained eternally stone-faced: Sally Field.
In an interview with Stephen Colbert, Field recalls working with Williams on the set of Mrs. Doubtfire, where he would constantly try, and fail, to elicit even a polite giggle from her.
Much to his disappointment, “I would never laugh, ever,” quipped Field, even when “ everybody else was laughing and carrying on.”
One might assume that a consummate professional like Field perhaps felt the constant jokes were inappropriate or overly distracting. But no. They just weren’t her cup of tea.
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“It wasn’t funny. It just wasn’t funny,” she told Colbert while chuckling. “Robin was always trying something different to make me laugh. It was so unfunny. I can’t begin to tell you.”
The one joke that actually made Sally Field break
Field remained Williams’ white whale throughout the entire production, which “drove him mad.” And to really add insult to injury, Pierce Brosnan successfully made her lose it with a simple fart gag.
“We were sitting at a table at the restaurant, and [Brosnan] made a fart noise on his arm. And I was gone. That was it. I laughed so hard they had to redo my makeup.”
Why their chemistry in Mrs. Doubtfire still feels so real
Knowing their behind-the-scenes dynamic adds a whole new layer of authenticity to Mrs. Doubtfire, doesn’t it?
In the movie, Field and Williams are a divorced couple. Miranda, portrayed by Field, constantly feels like she is having to bear all the responsibility of raising their three children while Daniel, played by Williams, seemingly never takes anything seriously.
That said, Williams and Field still seemed to have a genuine friendship.
In 2024, she told Vanity Fair that her father had passed away during filming.
“I was of course beside myself,” Field shared. “I came on the set trying with all my might to act. I wasn’t crying. Being extremely “sensitive and intuitive,” Williams picked up that something was wrong, and even made arrangements for Field to leave filming to make arrangements.
“Robin came over, pulled me out of the set, and asked, ‘Are you OK?’” she told Vanity Fair. When Field answered, Williams replied, “Oh my God, we need to get you out of here right now. And he made it........