Opinion: I’m no scrooge, but I skip a big part of the Christmas magic - here's why |
GROWING UP WITH an Italian-immigrant mother in the US, it wasn’t just Santa who saw me when I was sleeping, or knew when I was awake. Like many families in Ireland, we were hard-core Catholic. We attended weekly mass and regular confession. The crucifix overlooked most rooms in our house, my night light was a bust of the Virgin Mary, and everywhere I looked Padre Pio’s gloomy gaze seemed to follow me.
My mom’s common refrain was, “Dio ti guarda sempre,” or God’s always watching. And he had his helpers, Mother Mary and his saints, keeping tabs.
After Thanksgiving, that would shift to her cautioning, “Be good, Santa’s watching you!” She was a single-parent of three, so no blame or shame from me for her needing to lean on omnipotent or magical reinforcements.
When my older brother spilled the beans about Santa when I was about five, sure I was bummed for a day or two, but then there was sweet relief. One less recruit for the surveillance state constantly assessing me as ‘naughty’ or ‘nice,’ as ‘sinner’ or ‘saved.’
I knew before I even became a mother that I did not want to play up the jolly big man for my children. Now pregnant with my second child, that conviction is stronger than ever.
Mainly, I did not want to lie to my children. I hope to foster open communication and mutual trust and felt that leaning into this farce could corrupt that. More than one friend has told me they were devastated when they learned the truth of Santa. Others said they felt deceived: if their parents lied about this so passionately and convincingly, what else were they capable of lying about?
This is the point where I feel the need to reassure you that I genuinely love Christmas: the lights, the songs, the jumpers, the hot chocolate, the movies. I am no Scrooge. But the Santa shenanigans (and especially that Elf on the Shelf) are not for me as a parent. Here’s a bit more about why.
Many parents will wax poetic about the beauty of seeing the world through their........