This year’s commemoration of Yom HaShoah is particularly poignant for its timing and significance and on a very personal note also. During this ominous break in the incessant sirens connected with Israel’s war with Iran, comes another siren wailing its reminder and remembrance of another period in our not so distant past where the extermination of our Jewish nation was the preoccupation of a deranged Hitler and his collaborators.

And after watching the Holocaust Observance Program last night and hearing the stories and the extraordinary courage each of the torch bearers exhibited during the period of the Shoah, it truly struck a chord in me that our survival is and resilience is due to one factor above all – our commitment to our FAMILY in the literal and figurative sense and that is what I want to focus on in this blog.

My Own Family SHOAH Connection

After making Aliyah to Israel and observing for the first time some observances such as Yom HaShoah I took a much greater interest in that period of time so foundational to our establishment as a country. And coming from a predominant American history without a firm grasp of my European family history, I was quite surprised to discover that my connection to the Shoah was actually personal.

I was named for my great grandmother whose name was Sarah Yentie Tobolowsky – Skibelski and thanks to the records preserved by Yad Vashem, I learned that one of her children – my great grand Uncle whose name was Chaim and his wife Esther and 5 of his 10 children were murdered in the infamous Treblinka and Auschwitz concentration camps along with 2 other relatives.

Martyrdom and Rabbi Akiva’s Connection to this Period

This discovery of my own family connection to the Shoah also triggered in me a focus on other periods of our history that produced significant tragedies to our nation – Rabbi Akiva and his gruesome murder by the Romans being primary among them. As an additional “quirk of this historical period” is the connection of the story of Rabbi Akiva with the counting of the Omer and the mourning practices which are observed in remembrance of the sudden deaths of 24,000 of Rabbi Akiva’s students due historically to the lack of respect each had for one another.

HOW TO CONNECT THE DOTS BETWEEN RABBI AKIVA AND THE SHOAH

During the 2-minute siren particularly after the discovery of my own family connection, I could not help thinking about how can the legacy of those murdered be honored and it was clear that the answer rests with examination and initiatives connected to the critical importance of preserving our FAMILY heritage and most of all how we can nurture and sustain LOVE AND PEACE in OUR HOMES.

And in keeping with the connection of Rabbi Akiva to this period of time creates an opportunity to discuss what lessons we can learn about LOVE and SHALOM from the marriage of Rabbi Akiva and his wife Rachel.

In another blog entitled Rabbi Akiva and Rachel – Role Models for Marriage, I provide an abbreviated history of Rachel and Rabbi Akiva, as well as lessons we can learn about love and marriage. I would like to highlight them here for their continued relevance to this period of time and the day of remembrance itself for its application.

Lessons to be learned from the Marriage of Rabbi Akiva and Rachel

In an interview, Naftali Rothenberg, in his book Rabbi Akiva’s Philosophy of Love, commented that for Rabbi Akiva, keeping harmony was the most important value. A lot of people preach morality, but the relationship between their spouses is terrible. According to Rabbi Akiva, however, a complete world is one of unity between lovers and is an act of tikun olam (repair the world) in the context of preserving intimacy between spouses. Rabbi Akiva advocated for marital harmony and the everyday challenges of overcoming any temptations of body and mind, and most of all, placing harmony as the most important attribute of all.

Other Essentials in Marriage

Here are some key marriage education lessons we can learn from the story of Rabbi Akiva and his wife Rachel:

Mutual Support and Sacrifice for shared goals

Rachel’s sacrifices demonstrate the importance of each of the couple supporting each other’s aspirations and in fact discussing them before marriage and certainly in the first year of marriage.

Patience and perseverance in the face of Adversity

The years of poverty and hardship that Rachel experienced both as a single and then as a mother during the lengthy separations was an understood by product of the dedication that Rachel had to the extensive Torah learning required to advance Rabbi Akiva to achieve the highest learning possible to actualize his potential.

Appreciation and recognition of a spouse’s contributions

Upon Rabbi Akiva’s return his declaration of acknowledgement for Rachel’s contributions to his stature was epitomized in his statement that all his learning and the students is attributed to her. This demonstrated the significance of validating a partner’s sacrifice and what each does to help the other reach their goals and potential – again a topic for discussion prior to and during the first year of marriage.

Balancing Marital roles and responsibilities

In the case of Rabbi Akiva and Rachel, she was willing to forgo the domestic spousal joint responsibilities for encouraging the Torah study – this is a topic which much be mutually agreed upon so that the issues of reciprocity do not get colored with resentment. For Rachel and for many couples the wife has willingly supported the Torah learning.

These examples of lessons show how important the topics of mutual support, shared purpose and a balance of individual and relationship needs need to be cultivated in a couple. For Rabbi Akiva and Rachel – their mutual love and joint purpose served to benefit Am Yisrael and we as a nation owe a debt of gratitude to Rachel in particular.

CHERISH OUR FAMILY – GLOBAL AND INDIVIDUAL

Our history has unfortunately demonstrated that going back to the recent Passover holiday in the Haggadah the words that nations are out to destroy us from time immemorial – however, we have the secret formula for survival and that is to keep our families intact in every sense – the Shoah demonstrated how hatred can decimate our numbers, but as long as we keep our own home fires burning with dedication and commitment to love we can survive any threat to our survival.

I was deeply touched by the stories of the torch lighters for this year’s observance of Yom HaShoah and how proudly they spoke about their legacies – their children and grandchildren and great grandchildren and the joy that they give to their lives in their later years. We know that this is the ultimate victory to Hitler’s plan and at the end of the day – Our FINAL SOLUTION is to fight hate with LOVE and destruction with REBUILDING  and RENEWAL – we are fighting for our homeland and all that we represent of goodness and light unto the nations – May we have a period of SHALOM and Redemption and an end to suffering. And most of all NEVER AGAIN is a necessary mantra to our elimination and AM YISRAEL CHAI for our future declaration.

© The Times of Israel (Blogs)