A Promise Kept: My Grandmother’s Burial and the Values of Shavuot |
Five years before my grandmother left this world, I attended a fundraiser at a local synagogue. The goal of the evening was to support a meaningful Jewish cause, one that provides food to hundreds of needy, elderly, isolated, and vulnerable individuals in the community.
I felt grateful to be part of something important. I was growing in my Jewish observance and cared deeply about not compromising the values that were becoming part of who I was. I had some questions about the kosher food provided at the event.
It would have been easy to remain silent, to avoid discomfort, to tell myself that this was not my responsibility. Yet something deeper within me insisted that truth is not situational and that values are not meant to be adjusted for convenience or social ease.
I approached the main organizer, a kinds and regal man named Sam Domsky, and respectfully discussed the details of the kosher food requirements.
Sam listened carefully and acknowledged my explanation concerning kosher food. He promised that future events would reflect that requirement and we parted ways on this positive thought.
Little did I know that this moment would carry forward long after the evening ended.
Five years after this seemingly ordinary event, in May 2020, during the height of the COVID 19 pandemic, my grandmother Zelda passed away at almost 96 years old. She left behind a life defined by resilience, dignity, and return to her Jewish heritage. Despite being born just a few years after the Communist Revolution of 1917 and living her entire adult life in the former Soviet Union, she celebration her faith and Jewish identity. In her later years she enjoyed our early Friday afternoon Shabbath Kiddush with challah and yearly holiday celebrations. She remembered her family cleaning for Passover in the Spring and her father putting on teffilin. While atheist propaganda wiped away most of religious memories, she held one Jewish law particularly close to her heart. How Two Russian-Born Crypto-Jews Rediscovered Their Identity – Sofya Tamarkin Blog %
From the time I was a child, my grandmother repeated one request with unwavering seriousness. She asked me to promise that when her time would come, she wanted to be buried within twenty-four hours according to Jewish law. I felt that she endowed me with some sacred responsibility and I carried this promise as a torch throughout my life. I could not have known that the world would be brought to a halt.
My grandmother passed away in the beginning of the Covid 19 pandemic, making it seemingly impossible to fulfill the promise. Funeral homes were overwhelmed, and cemeteries delayed burials for weeks. Families were left waiting, unable to honor the final wishes of their loved ones.
I will never forget my feeling of double grief when a close friend, a funeral director who came to take my grandmother’s body, gently warned that burial would likely be delayed for a week. I remember walking after my grandmother’s body, reading Psalms and praying for a miracle.
My brother and I began searching for a solution. We made calls, asked questions, and explored every possible option, determined to honor her request despite the circumstances.
Then something unexpected happened. We discovered that the director of the cemetery where the plot was purchased was Sam from the fundraiser event years earlier.
I reached out, unsure if Sam would remember me, and explained the urgency of the situation.
He responded that not only did he remember me, but he also remembered the conviction behind that earlier conversation about kosher food.
“When Sofya reached out, I immediately knew who she was. I remember her being a woman of faith and principles. I understood the importance of her request to bury her grandmother in accordance with Jewish traditions. Shalom Memorial Park had a hard time keeping up with the requests for burial. COVID made it challenging to keep up. After Sofya explained her grandmother’s wish to be laid to rest within twenty-four hours, I was determined to make this happen. We came very early in the morning, dug a grave and asked that the family help cover it with earth after burial. With 10 men present, the process was completed exactly within 24 hours since her passing. I was very grateful to be able to help Sofya and her family.” Needless to say how grateful we felt during this time of loss t honor my grandmothers wishes.
Perhaps this incredible ‘coincidence’ was the biggest lesson to never compromise on values. As Sam reiterated, if I stood firm on something as ‘insignificant’ as food, he understood how much my burial request mattered to my family and therefore he felt compelled to do whatever necessary to fulfill the mitzvah properly. Needless to say how relieved I was that I did speak up all those years ago. It is because I stood by my values that my dear grandmother’s wish was honored exactly as she had requested.
As Shavuot approaches, I understand this story with new clarity. There are no coincidences in a life guided by Torah values. Moments that seem small are never insignificant. My willingness to stand strong when it was uncomfortable turned out to be a catalyst of a much larger story.
Shavuot reminds us that Torah is not only received in great moments but lived in the details of daily life. In choices no one else may notice, in moments when it would be easier to stay silent and in decisions that define who we are.
My journey has taught me that values must be lived consistently, in public and in private, in small moments and in defining ones. This time of year, we relive the moment when the Jewish people stood together at Mount Sinai, ready to receive the Torah. Generations come and go, yet we remain bound to that eternal truth.
May we be blessed to live with unyielding clarity and commitment that carries the light of Torah into every part of our lives.
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