There are certain things that trigger me, that bring me back to those dark, fearful days at the beginning of the war. Two years ago, I bought Chanukiot for my soldiers from a fellow warrior. I remember looking at these gorgeous resin-created Chanukiot during all eight days of the holiday in 2023 and seeing their emptiness. Neither soldier ever saw the Chanukiot that year; neither lit a single candle at home.

We are approaching the two-year memorial of the fall of Ephraim Jackman, a soldier, neighbor and friend who died in Gaza fighting for us soon after Chanukah at the end of 2023. I will always remember where I was when I heard and what it felt like for our community to go through such loss. And the cycle continues, as my sons return to grave after grave, family’s house after family’s house to remember their friends, their fellow soldiers.

It is not easy to rise from these memories, to figure out how to walk through such pain as individuals and as a nation.

What I find myself doing is feeling disproportionate gratitude for little things these days. Shabbat Chanukah 2025 with all of the boys at home, with all of the Chanukiot lit, felt like the most precious gift. Visiting our oldest son at university; Finally. Finally. FINALLY!! seeing him in civilian........

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