He Said “Let’s Be Friends” the Day We Bombed Iran |
He didn’t say that, but it’s a much more appealing headline than “I don’t think we’re a long-term match.”
I was getting a haircut, telling my hairstylist about him as I showed her a picture on my phone when his text came in. She was deeply embarrassed for me but still charged me full price. Rude.
(I love my hairstylist. Shout out ❤️)
I had been seeing this Egyptian guy for just a couple of weeks, which means I had already fantasized about how our relationship would bring peace to the Middle East. Never mind the fact that Egypt and Israel have had a peace treaty signed since 1979.
I don’t consider myself an easy person to date. I come with a lot of…geopolitical baggage. The other woman, for me, is geopolitics.
Dating during the Israel-Hamas war was a nightmare, and I had thoroughly been enjoying being wined and dined without having the news front and center of my mind. I had told Egyptian guy what I had been doing for work until recently, and he seemed impressed, if not terrified that the Middle East would pop up in our cereal bowls for the rest of our lives. He was a bit detached from the region, or at least let me go on and on about it without interrupting. Thinking back, there were signs. His hobbies included tennis and pottery classes. Mine included pilates and policy conferences.
The Middle East is a flurry of contradictions. To be obsessed with the region means being able to quickly change your mind and be humbled gracefully. The day the attacks on Iran began, I felt an immediate connection to what the Trump administration had just done in Venezuela, a country I have family in and am more connected to than Iran. Though I was thrilled that Maduro, Venezuela’s Khamenei, was no longer in a position of power, I wasn’t sure how things would develop. You might say I wanted a second date but wasn’t sure if he was my husband.
Sometimes we’re just happy someone’s there. In your thirties, it’s dangerously easy to confuse presence with compatibility. Much like dealing with authoritarian regimes, it’s less about what you want—and more about how long you’re willing to tolerate what you don’t.
Egyptian guy had very clear dating objectives, much clearer than the Trump administration’s war objectives in Iran. It didn’t surprise me that he didn’t think I was his wife. Sadly, that level of clarity can be…insanely attractive.
The initial attack on Iran was February 28th. On March 29th, Trump suggested his war objectives were met, and that Khamenei’s son (chosen as the new Supreme Leader) was far less radical. Trump, too, was just happy to have someone there.
With a pseudo-victory over Venezuela’s leadership under his belt, Trump thought he had found a boyfriend he could wrap around his finger. New Khamenei surprised him. Iran rejected the U.S. ceasefire on April 6th, leading to something no one should ever do— in diplomacy or dating: an ultimatum.
One of Iran’s biggest sticking points is that a temporary ceasefire feels a lot like bread-crumbing. They want the war to be permanently over before coming to the negotiating table. Trump wants Iran to swear off nuclear weapons and bring gas prices down before the midterms. Khamenei wants to play with his toys and doesn’t have to worry about elections.
Over the ironically named Truth Social, Trump declared that a “whole civilization will die” if his demands aren’t met—the manliest thing a manly man can do from the comfort of the Trump National Golf Club. It’s a scary concept, amplified for Israelis who have been in and out of bomb shelters for over a month in this insane game of pickle-ball where no one seems to be keeping score.
The text Egyptian guy sent me and my hairstylist was pretty good, as far as break-up texts go. At the end, he says, “You’re really lovely, and I’m sure your person will be lucky to meet you.” Nothing more needed to be said. Why drag out something that’s just not a fit? I didn’t need more clarity than what he felt.
In dating, as in geopolitics, you really have to be certain that you can trust who you’ve chosen to lead you. It’s not so much that I was content with the situation in Iran. I think we can safely agree there was only a small group of people that were. It’s that I don’t trust the people leading this global situationship not to drag everyone else into something they can’t control—simply because they don’t know when to walk away.
And that’s where we are now.
Negotiations without trust. Escalation without clarity.
In dating, you eventually realize that staying with someone just because they’re there doesn’t make for a good relationship—it just makes the right one harder to find. It also makes talking to your friends (and hairstylists) more embarrassing.
The difference is, this time, the rest of the world is stuck in it too.