On Illness, Intention, and the Meaning of a Jewish Doorway

Not many people know this, but I had bladder cancer when I was 29 years old. Although frightening at the time, it never returned and the years passed with routine surveillance that felt more like an inconvenience than anything else. But this past May, I had three new tumors. They were removed and, thank G-d, were low grade. We assumed it was a fluke and that I would have another thirty years of bladder boredom.

Unfortunately, a few weeks ago, we found five more bladder tumors. My illusion of safety vanished, and this time I am scared. They are being removed this Friday, when I will receive a dose of intravesical chemotherapy. A week later we will learn the pathology that will determine my diagnosis, prognosis, and need for further treatments.

As a physician, my first instinct was to meet this recurrence with the tools I know best: mechanisms, probabilities, and therapies. I moved quickly into oncologic reasoning: field cancerization, genetic testing, nutritional assessment, surgical options, and Bayesian estimates of grade, recurrence, and survival. That is the world I understand and trust.

But when I shared the news with my Rabbi, he listened, asked thoughtful questions, offered spiritual support, and then said, “We should check your mezuzahs.” His words stopped me. In an instant, I realized I was standing at a threshold – not only medically, but spiritually. I could do everything medically possible, yet I also needed to ask what this moment required of me spiritually.

I knew how to prepare for a physical biopsy, but I did not expect to be confronted with what felt like a spiritual one.

Some call a mezuzah a Jewish security system, but that metaphor never has resonated with me. I........

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