A Chanukah Fairy Tale: with apologies to Charles Dickens |
Morgenstern was dead. Dead as a lump of clay. Dead as he had been during his life, only more so.
There had been only one mourner at his funeral, his surviving business partner, Eliezer ben Kamtsin. This gentleman is a hollow-eyed, thin-lipped farkriminis of a man with a pinched expression set in plasticine features. Though not short of a bob or two, he leads a parsimonious life, governed by the motto emblazoned in bold lettering above his desk, Fun gelt kumt glick’.
His sole employee, a clerk by the name of Kravchik, is forced to work every day of the week, even Shabbes. He tries to make ends meet but never does. Consequently, Kravchik’s family are perpetually hungry but they remain cheerful. On Chanukah they light their carefully polished Menorah.
It is the first night of Chanukah but Kamtsin has no time for such frivolities. As is his wont, he retires early to ensure that his brain will be fresh for the next day’s business transactions. However, barely has he dosed off when he is startled into wakefulness by a thumping noise and the raucous tones of a familiar voice. He opens his eyes, and there, sure enough, is the figure of his late partner, Yankel Morgenstern, looking every bit as farkrimt as he did in life.
“Oy vey! Oy Gevalt! A chaleria af mir! Vos ies dos? It must be the gehakte leber I had for supper!” wailed Eliezer.
“Shut up for a moment and listen, Eli!” growled the ghost. I’ve come to give you a warning. Punkt. Over the next three nights you will be visited by three spirits, each of whom will take you on a journey to a land which will be of much interest to you. This is your last chance to make a good, otherwise you will be joining me in the malodorous quagmire through which I must schlep for all eternity because I once led the wicked, selfish life that you are now leading. Farshteyst?”
“Can’t the spirits all come at once to save time?” whined Eliezer. “I’m not very well, you know. I need all the sleep I can get”.
Morgenstern ignored this rachmonisdike appeal........