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Richard Glover: Christmas comes early, and so does the grinch

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There I am, going about my morning ritual – a soft whistle of delight as I retrieve the home delivered Herald from its spot beneath the car, down on my hands and knees, expressing my gratitude to the newsagent for his provision of such regular, yet strenuous, exercise.

Having completed my morning stretch, it’s up the front steps, electric jug on the boil for tea, the early morning sun glinting on the treetops. What could be better in this most perfect of worlds?

Amid all the chaos I'm also meant to think about Christmas?

It was then it happened. I unwrapped the paper and out it fell. Thump. I reared back like a frightened horse. Oh, no, say it isn’t true. But there it was: the first Christmas catalogue of the season.

Perhaps I’d been kidnapped by aliens, rendered unconscious and brutally experimented upon, thence to be returned to earth having missed all of October and most of November. That must be it. Surely, the Herald advertising department would not allow Christmas to be smuggled into what is virtually the first half of the year?

But no. I check my phone. The date is Tuesday, October 14. What can they be thinking? Not since the Colesworth Easter Egg Scandal of January 1987 has corporate Australia committed such an offence to civic order.

Don’t they realise........

© The Sydney Morning Herald