Naked Sport: Why a crime reporter is investigating England’s Ashes fiasco |
Having spent the summer break watching the comedy/horror/thriller series known as the Ashes Down Under complete its seven-week, five-state tour, it is review time.
It began in an unusual way with the English ensemble failing to have a dress rehearsal leaving many on opening night unable to remember their lines. At many venues, the scheduled five-day performances were cut to two leaving the popcorn providers deeply out of pocket.
England – led by vice captain Harry Brook, captain Ben Stokes and coach Brendon McCullum – were responsible for plenty of cricketing crimes in their 4-1 Ashes loss.Credit: Artwork: Aresna Villanueva
Producer/director Brendon McCullum was often seen in the wings, not checking the script but completing crosswords in a well-thumbed book.
We were promised a series for the ages. What we got was slapdash, slapstick and a slap in the face.
So why is a crime reporter writing about cricket? There is a precedent. It was hall of fame crime reporter Hugh Buggy who, on a short stint covering cricket, coined the term “Bodyline”. Richie Benaud had a stint as a crime reporter.
And if Australia’s best-known cricket journalist, Gideon Haigh, can occasionally venture into writing about true crime, why can’t I slip occasionally over to cricket?
Barmy Army fans were up and about during the Ashes summer.Credit: Getty Images
My father was English and could always get me out with a disguised topspinner he learnt in India’s north-west frontier at his father’s RAF base.
When I was a child, he would take me to the MCG for an Ashes game, thrusting a paper Union Jack flag in my hand much to the amusement of fellow spectators. He thought of it as banter. Some would call it child abuse.
In reality, I invented the Barmy Army, although I played the recorder, not the trumpet.
I have had a long-distance interest in English cricket ever since.
Frank Tyson sending down a thunderbolt in 1954.Credit: Fairfax Archive
After a disastrous box office, director McCullum and leading actor Ben Stokes have promised a review “moving forward”.
To move forward they need to look backward. If McCullum can put down the crossword book and was looking for some fresh reading material he could do worse than pick up the riveting book, Victory In Australia – The Remarkable Story of England’s Greatest Ashes Triumph 1954-55, by Richard Whitehead.
The modern side turned up in WA to........