Christmas notebook / I stand with Nigel Farage |
I have sweet memories of Christmas. My dad is proper old-school and would set up the video recorder. I don’t think we’ve ever watched the footage; I don’t know if he was even filming. But we couldn’t do anything until it was filmed. We never had loads of money, but Mum always went above and beyond. There was gold wrapping paper for presents from Santa. My family say I’m impossible to buy for now I’m better off. This year, I’ve asked for Disney princess pyjamas. Christmas is a time for me to give back.
Last Christmas was a bit of a shock. I was due to be in Australia but was then banned for my sexual stunts. My family was glad because it meant they got me for Christmas. Not that I’m much help. Cooking isn’t my forte. I do beans on toast, Super Noodles, bolognese, but dinner is out of the question. It seems like a maths test. No one asks me to wash, peel or cut anything. My mum never gets the timing right for dinner either. Everything is always burned or undercooked. If my grandma is two wines down, she might put the King’s Christmas message on. If she’s three wines down, she’ll forget. ‘Fairytale of New York’ was my grandad’s favourite song. He passed away quite young, aged 61. His funeral was in September and we had that song playing all day.
My family aren’t religious, although my grandma took me to church once, for the free tea and biscuits. I regret marrying young (I’m........