Courtesy of Bundo Kim
A deep-seated sense of familiarity sets in as you age. Life becomes comfortable. The ego disappears. Anxiety fades. Things don’t continually grab you with the fire that they once did and so you are left searching for that spark. Something that reminds you are still alive. Something that stops every song sounding the same, every movie playing out the same plot. You’re left looking for that feeling you once had when you were 23. Because in your mind, you still are 23. Despite what the wrinkles say.
There’s a connectivity between then and now. A thing called consciousness: memory. Of course everyone else looks at you like you’re ancient. They question whether you know the meaning of rizz or have heard about Tik-Tok. But in your head, you’re still 23. The same computer has been turned on the whole time, with all the tabs open, the cookies accepted, the viruses caught, and the screensavers enacted every time you black out.
But the streets don’t change. The familiar smell rises up from the Kakao taxis. The kimchi stains similarly. The soju has changed its branding but the hangovers are the same. The cigars are less frequent but still pack the same punch. Life feels explored. And then you meet someone new.
I never knew
You don’t know what you don’t know. You spend your whole life going over the same records, the same authors. Falling back into the same habits and retreating into the same dreams and fears. You are a creature of habit.
You want to imagine that you are the special occasions. The fleeting moments of inspiration and ridiculousness. “Do you remember when I did that?!” you will ask people for the umpteenth time. They will smile and nod politely in the hope that you will return the favor when they repeat........