Roast me, toast me and tell the truth when I’m gone |
I often give my friends dirty looks when they try to empathise with the fact I have too many kids by telling me about the needs of their cats.
Yes, they are responsible for the life of a sentient being, but it just isn’t the same as having an audience every time you go to the toilet and the onlooker being able to relay every last detail of your bowel movements to their teacher the next day.
There was a bit of a furore recently when pop queen Chappell Roan expressed hesitation about having offspring, describing her peers with young children as “unhappy” and seeming like they were “in hell”.
This naturally got my adversarial little back up as I proudly stated: “At least I’ll have lots of people round me when it’s my time to leave this mortal coil” – before going off to wonder if this was actually true.
Fabien McQuillan: Till number four is open and ready to humiliate you now, sir
Brian Feeney: Britain’s old order is collapsing and the union may be next
After all, I have four boys, and the old saying “A daughter is for life, but a son is there ‘till he finds a wife” came to mind.
I made a........