“When most of us don’t find even one person decent enough to love, where do you find multiple?” This is one of the common questions I get from audiences when I am sharing stories of people who lead polyamorous lives. And my answer always is, “If you stop looking for ‘the one’, you will find ‘the many’.” Riposted in jest the response does carry truth. We put too much pressure on the search for ‘the one and only true love’ that we have been conditioned into thinking as our sole road to happily ever after. The checklist is an impossible register of demands that includes not just our needs and desires, but also insurance against all our fears, guarantees against all possible misfortunes, and retribution for every past betrayal suffered.

Since monoamorous people believe there is only a single seat in the heart where only one person can sit at a time, we have to get it absolutely right, and mistakes come at terrible costs. The brutal judgment by which we disqualify others is reciprocated in their evaluation of us too. Since each person carries their list, dating becomes an inquisition. The harsh gaze of scrutiny leaves us with humiliation for our inadequacies and cynicism about love.

Arundhati Ghosh | Photo Credit: SPECIAL ARRANGEMENT

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