Hey y’all: listen up to the chartbusting, pop-pickin’, time-addled DJ: “Yes indeed, Band Aid’s Do They Know It’s Christmas is back with a bang, a twist and a mix! This time our ultimate white saviour anthem is ready for for a generation weaned on AI remixes: a menage a trois of the original 1984 version mixed in with the 2004 and 2014 versions. Britain is about to feel good and “Africa” is finally about to get fed! WICK-ED! Joining us to discuss this is my mate, a fountain of all that is good in the world, the great Sir Bob Geldof …”

We don’t know exactly what the forthcoming, 40th-anniversary version of Do They Know It’s Christmas?, featuring a mashup of previous versions into a new “ultimate mix”, will sound like. But I do fear the worst.

So does Ed Sheeran, who is currently the 10th most-listened-to artist on Spotify and one of the stars of the 2014 version of Band Aid. Following the lead of British-Ghanaian Afrobeats star Fuse ODG, Sheeran has taken a principled stand against his unauthorised inclusion in the re-release. “My approval wasn’t sought on this new Band Aid 40 release, and had I had the choice I would have respectfully declined the use of my vocals. A decade on and my understanding of the narrative associated with this has changed.” Very........

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