Keir Starmer is now the only person to have lost more comms chiefs than Meghan and Harry. After yet another day of drama, we kept hearing that the prime minister would be pressing the reset button. Not again! Starmer’s reset button is like the OK button on your TV remote – worn blank through overuse. He has pressed that thing more often than you’ve decided another 44 minutes of a crap thriller is somehow less of an effort than getting yourself to bed. Anyway, next episode in five, four, three …

Fine. One more.

The inciting incident for yesterday’s deranged chapter was another comms chief leaving, followed by an objectively hilarious call for Starmer’s resignation by the Scottish Labour leader, Anas Sarwar, that accidentally forced Labour’s big guns to swing publicly behind Starmer. That said, you couldn’t claim the cabinet came off as one big happy family, with a minister briefing darkly: “We’ve all been made to tweet.” Buck up, Cruz. Think of Sarwar as the Labour family’s Brooklyn Beckham, the latter having notably observed last month that “Family ‘love’ is decided by how much you post on social media”.

Anyway, having seen off Sarwar’s desiccated power move, Starmer supposedly crushed it at Monday evening’s gathering of the parliamentary Labour party. Entering the meeting room, the PM is reported to have got a standing ovation that lasted 37 seconds. But don’t set too much store by a standing ovation. At the Cannes film festival, you can get double that even for a documentary claiming that every single Cannes film festival attender is a necrophiliac bestialist. A fired-up Starmer apparently told his parliamentary colleagues:........

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