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Exit Theresa May. Stand by for a summer of Tory fratricide and country-shafting

4 200 0
24.05.2019

Eyes down, ye players of apocalypse bingo, as we move beyond a European elections campaign where we learned milkshakes are “political violence” and rape threats are “satire”. Theresa May’s premiership has literally ended in tears, following an audaciously self-parodic speech about compromise. The Tories have signed on for several weeks of leadership contest – a sort of summer camp for excluded adults, where activities include aggravated fratricide, country-shafting and horrifying unforced errors in truth-or-dare.

Like her cricketing hero Geoff Boycott, and also Colonel Kurtz in Apocalypse Now, May has spent weeks refusing to be given out. Multiple final gambits included a speech this week in which she served up her same withdrawal agreement for consideration yet again. Unsurprisingly, even her supporters declined this shit sandwich, which they believe is distinguished by being the sort of shit sandwich where the bread is also made of shit.

Andrea Leadsom resigned, forcing a mini-reshuffle. This was not so much rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic, as getting into James Cameron’s mini-submarine, dropping to the wreck 12,500ft below, sweeping down the rusticle-festooned grand staircase, and swapping out one of the light fittings because it looks “a bit much”.

Still on staircases, Downing Street’s Norma Desmond is finally to descend hers on 7 June. Gallingly, she must still put up with noises off from her former chief of staff. Nick Timothy really is the Paul Burrell of politics, dining out shamelessly on his various betrayals of his former boss. Nick used this week’s Telegraph column to state “warning signs” were there from........

© The Guardian