It can be hard to be nice. When I was a kid, envy would prickle me as I walked past big houses, wondering what it would be like to have my own bedroom. Nowadays I feel a similar torsion in my conscience when I hear that an author friend has secured a multi-book contract. I’m happy for them but there is a part of me that wants what they have.

The Buddha taught that there are “four immeasurables”. They are known as such because, when attained, they are limitless. They are the qualities of compassion, loving kindness, equanimity and empathetic joy: mudita.

Mudita is about feeling joy for another person’s good fortune. Underpinning mudita is the understanding of the interconnectedness of all beings. If someone else feels joy, I too feel joy.

Comparing myself with others is a surefire way to limit my mudita. In a polyamorous context, some people seek to choose “compersion” rather than comparison. This is the happiness a person might experience when they see one of their partners experience the joy of connecting with someone else. Researchers have found that the capacity for compersion can increase a person’s own........

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