If we have learned anything from the influx of holiday movies, mass-produced decorations, Mariah Carey and the smorgasbord of other jingle bell-infused songs that Big Northern Hemisphere has embedded into our lives, it’s that the cultural zeitgeist has determined that Christmas is a holiday best served cold. Whatever!

The bigwigs in the top of the equator might have convinced the world of such, but that’s only because they lack the innate knowledge that us southern hemisphere folk know all too well: a warm Christmas is simply superior. This time of year is stressful enough – regardless of temperature – but hey, at least we don’t have to deal with seasonal depression on top of it all.

And I’m not just speaking from the orifice that doesn’t have teeth, I spent my entire childhood in the cold during the festive season.

Despite my entire family hailing from New Zealand, Dad’s job meant that big international moves were inevitable. I spent most of my younger years scattered across the UK (plus a quick stint in North........

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