Happy forced frivolity season! We have once again arrived at the eye of the storm for the holidays, where cheerfulness is mandatory and lack of goodwill towards people is punishable by stoning in the town square. Surely, I don’t have to tell you that such quaint human emotions as “happiness” and “hope” are in short supply these days. This year, of all years, no one should be blamed for plugging their ears any time Mariah Carey comes on in the lobby of the unemployment office. And yet, we carry on with the rituals of joy that seem more and more incongruous, when life feels like some never-ending episode of MTV’s Ridiculousness, where God comments on clips of the human race getting hit in the face with a plastic baseball bat.

I’m certainly making an effort to put on a pleasant facade. I’ve cobbled together some nice gifts for my friends and family. I say hello to strangers, even the ones that look like they might want to deny me my basic rights as outlined in the US constitution. And I say yes to just about every holiday party invite – save for one massive exception.

White elephant parties.

You know the ones: you are asked to bring a gift not to exceed a set dollar amount (usually between $50 and $100). The wrapped, secret gifts go into a common slush pile, and guests take turns selecting the one they think they’ll enjoy the most, based........

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