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Soccer Is Spiritually A Third-World Sport

Soccer is fundamentally a Third World exercise in tribal warfare.

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The four-year cycle has come around again, and it seems like the whole world has soccer (I’m an American. It’s called soccer.) fever. Even America, usually apathetic to the goings on of the soccer world, appears hyped up for the quadrennial tourney. No doubt a large part of that has to do with much of the tournament taking place here in the states, but I also suspect America’s changing demographics is directly correlated with soccer’s rising popularity.

Up until the mass influx of immigrants over the last two decades or so, soccer was on the fringe of American sports. And it just seems like red-blooded Americans have an innate wariness toward the sport. Perhaps because it’s foreign, but that doesn’t explain Americans’ embrace of other sports that originated in other countries: Tennis is believed to have originated in France, and Americans have taken to ice hockey (the modern iteration of the sport comes from Canada) quite well.

If you put on your tinfoil hat for a moment, allow me to offer my........

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