The Trump Translator: Get yours now! |
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Winston Churchill had cadence. John F. Kennedy exuded elegance. Abraham Lincoln spoke with gravity. Gough Whitlam wielded wit and thunder.
So how does Donald Trump compare to history's greatest orators and writers? Now you can be the judge thanks to the revolutionary new invention, The Trump Translator™.
Simply take some of the world's most memorable quotations of the past and be amazed as The Trump Translator™ transforms the polished words of yesteryear into modern Trumpese. A few examples:
"Mr Gorbachev, tear down this wall." - Ronald Reagan, 1987.
Trump Translator™: Frankly Mr Grubachef, this is a LOUSY wall. I know walls. I've built the best walls in the world. Everyone says so. This wall should be OBLITERATED! Terrible wall. Very weak.
"Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it." George Santayana, 1905.
Trump Translator™: Some people - very low energy people - forget the past and it becomes a TOTAL DISASTER! But I have tremendous memory. Which is why, as your COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF, I will not - and let me repeat myself to be PERFECTLY CLEAR - I will not be repeating the past. Because repeating the past means you forgot it. And I NEVER FORGET!
"Veni. Vidi. Vici. (I came, I saw, I conquered)." - Julius Caesar, 47 BC.
Trump Translator™: I CAME. Great entrance, by the way. I designed that entrance. My idea. People loved it. Then I SAW. Because I have VERY SHARP EYESIGHT. Incredible eyesight for someone my age. My doctors say they've never seen anything like it. And I CONQUERED - more than even the Romans who by the way are very OVERRATED! Still haven't finished their Colosseum! LAZY!
"To be or not to be, that is the question." William Shakespeare, Hamlet, 1603.
Trump Translator™: Should we BE? Or should we NOT BE? I asked a lot of smart people - tremendously smart people, almost as smart as me - and nobody knew. So I said we're going TO BE. I said it very strongly at the time. It's better to be than not to be and that's the way it should be. Everyone agrees.
"We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight on the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender." - Winston Churchill, 1940.
Trump Translator™: Surrender? NOT HAPPENING! We will fight on the streets - even on those strange intersections in Melbourne, Australia, where you can turn right from the left lane as long as there is no oncoming tram. VERY CONFUSING!
"Know thyself." - Socrates, 450 BC
Trump Translator™: Many wise and very learned people describe me as a very stable genius. But I already know that.
"The journey of a thousand miles begins........