What’s Tulsi Gabbard’s Big Bad Secret? We Have Guesses... |
What’s Tulsi Gabbard’s big, bad secret? Our current Director of National Intelligence-meets-birthday party Cruella De Vil is the subject of a whistleblower complaint reportedly so explosive that the file itself requires Mission: Impossible-like security. Even teasing its nature would provoke such “grave damage,” in the words of Gabbard’s own office, that it’s probably better for all parties concerned to just pretend it doesn’t exist at all, right?
Well… no.
What charge could possibly be so damning in an administration whose leader has already been credibly accused of any number of high crimes and dank depravities? It can’t be that she works for the Russians because (1) we already suspected that and (2) half the administration (allegedly) works for the Russians, including the aforementioned President.
Well, maybe it can—let’s circle back to that.
Did she accept a $50,000 bribe in a Cava bag like “border czar” Tom Homan? Or perhaps she cc’d a reporter on a Signal chat about top-secret war plans, like Pete Hegseth. Did she decapitate a whale? Lie under oath? Starve hundreds of thousands of people by cutting off foreign aid to their countries? Throw out a couple Nazi salutes at the Republican National Convention a la Elon Musk? No. These sorts of activities are all de rigeur for the MAGA movement.
Oh God, she didn’t donate to the ACLU, did she?
In an........