First, we should get this on the table: I’m obsessed with presidential pets. Did you know that Teddy Roosevelt’s dog, Pete, once bit the pants off the ambassador to France? I did. Meet me at a cocktail party and I’m apt to tell you that John and Abigail Adams had a puppy named Satan. And Martin Van Buren had two baby tigers at the White House, but Congress made him give them to a zoo. I’ve even written books about Joe Biden’s dog, Major (before the biting incidents came to light) and Mike Pence’s grand-bunny, Marlon Bundo.

Which is why I have to ask this question: What the f--- does the Trump administration have against dogs?!

You might remember that Donald Trump himself was one of the few presidents who did not have a pet in the White House. In fact, according to one of his advisors, Trump said that he thought it was “low class” for Mike Pence and his family to bring their pets to the Naval Observatory.

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But it’s not just Trump. There’s a disturbing trend in his senior political appointees. And before they are confirmed, we need to figure out exactly what the f--- is going on.

The most notorious of the dog-haters is, of course, Trump’s nominee for secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem. Noem is the current South Dakota governor and the kind of person who watches Old Yeller and roots for the rabies.

This Spring, Noem released a book in which she detailed how she shot her dog, Cricket. In Noem’s own words:

“[Cricket] was out of her mind........

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