During my tenure at the Fashion Institute of Technology, I was required to take one fashion merchandising class, where my professor impressed upon me the matter of “trend forecasting” like someone trying to burn a pancake on a griddle. Despite my professor’s insistence, I couldn’t give you an exact definition of the phrase because, well, I wasn’t listening. But since I hold a degree from the school, I can technically call myself an expert, which is how I know that MILFs are going to be huge this summer.
If you’re unfamiliar with the term “MILF,” congratulations on waking up from the coma you were in between 2004 and 2010. I hope your brain damage is minimal. While you were out, some of us were lying in wait, biding our time until the “Mother I’d Like to Fuck” fad returned. They say that trends recycle every few decades, but the MILFs are too strong, too powerful, and too busty to abide by this belief. They refuse to wait—hell, they simply don’t have the time! Being a MILF implies being older, after all. And while Fergie so generously tried to make MILFs cool again with her 2016 single, “M.I.L.F $,” it was not yet time for these magnificent mamas to return. They were gathering their strength and popping their progesterone, waiting for the perfect moment.
The stars have aligned, and the moons are in their correct phases, because MILFs are officially back. This summer, we will not be able to round a corner without being knocked over by a beautiful buxom mother. They have raised kids, and now they’re ready to raise our temperatures. But you don’t have to take my word for it: The proof is readily available. Leading the charge for MILFdom is Vanessa Williams, whose new single, “Legs (Keep Dancing),” is not just a joyful ode to aging gracefully, but an anthem for leggy broads of a certain age who have no shame in showing off their gams. The video for the song is sexy, spirited, and even a little naughty, all things that a MILF should be. “Legs” is........