How to talk to your kids about separating and managing the change |
If you’ve decided to separate from your partner, and you have kids together, it’s normal to worry about the potential impact on them.
Although some studies have shown a higher risk of mental health problems for children of divorced parents, separation is not inherently harmful.
And if the household has a lot of tension and conflict, evidence shows “staying together for the kids” can actually be worse for their mental health and wellbeing.
Still, change can be hard for everyone – especially children, who thrive with routines, boundaries and stability.
So, what’s the best way to talk about separating? And how can you keep things as consistent as possible?
How to talk about separating
Be clear and direct with your children about what the change in your relationship means to them and their day-to-day lives and be open to hearing how they feel.
Will you continue living together for a while? Will one of you move out of the family home? Or maybe the kids will stay at home while the parents take turns living there (sometimes called “birdnesting”).
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Have this conversation first with your co-parent and plan how you’ll tell the kids. It can be helpful to make some key dot points and assign a parent to each.
This doesn’t mean telling your kids everything. Focus on the details impacting them (such as care arrangements) and not the specific story of relationship disrepair.
Details depend on their age
Younger children will need fewer details than older children and teens. For example, you might say:
we are still a family and love you so much. But some families look different........