I brought the kids on a scenic train trip. My optimism was soon derailed

May 28, 2026 — 3:30pm

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I would just like to put this out there: the hill I died on was a pretty one. As verdant, lush and otherwise as the promotional pictures suggested. But take it from someone who’s been there, schlepping four small kids, who for the purposes of this discussion we’ll call Hungry, Bored, Tired and Cranky, onto North Queensland’s Kuranda Scenic Railway and then expecting them to enjoy looking at glorious vegetation for hours, was not the five-star experience the Google reviews promised. (In hindsight, trusting the word of – among others – “Beryl”, “Ethel” and someone posting online as “Frantastic” might’ve been a mistake for a pair of parental P-platers travelling with the under-12 set.)

Anyway, the hill. We were on a steam train somewhere between Freshwater and Cairns when the carriage lurched to an unscheduled halt, right around the time the four-year-old ran out of patience. He’d played any number of spirited games of Spot the Rainbow Lorikeet and indulged us while we marvelled at ancient tropical surrounds, but, as he informed the entire carriage and presumably most of Kuranda, we were stuck in the........

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