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Another year, another failed Mother's Day present

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Never have I got a Mother's Day present right, not once. Mum didn't like the flowers I gave her ("They're lovely Danny! So beautiful! I might just take them outside because chrysanthemums make me sneeze. But they'll look so pretty down near the back fence beside the compost. Thank you!").

She didn't like the chocolates I bought her ("Oh wow Danny! Assorted creams! Unfortunately I'm coeliac and they contain wheat flour, but you can eat them! I'll just sit and watch and eat my rice crackers. Enjoy.").

She didn't like the fancy handbag I picked out for her ("I love it, Danny! It's so stylish! Such a great colour! It's so me! Did you keep the receipt? I LOVE IT!!!!).

It's not too late to book a table for Mother's Day.

So last year I decided to give her the only thing that doesn't make her sneeze, won't aggravate her small intestine and can't be returned to a store - I would give her........

© The Age