Vanilla, pale grey, pebble, bone, cream, crème, oatmeal, almond, biscuit, fresh white … It could be one of those whites and neutrals paint charts many of us agonise over for hours, looking for cool or warm undertones.

... Milk, coconut, fog grey, cloud, ivory, whisper grey, milky white, butter, oat, warm grey, mascarpone, bright white, sesame seed. The list goes on. At off-white option 47, we throw our hands up in the air and revert to the tried and true. Antique White USA and, in my case, half or quarter-strength Hog Bristle.

White is good in theory but when babies do what babies do, it won’t stay that way.Credit: Shutterstock

But, no, this long and far from exhaustive list isn’t for paint. They are babywear colours. Who makes these names up?

My youngest grew out of her onesie some time ago, and I have been in a wilderness where there have been no hatches, a few matches, and far more despatches. Of course, there have been heart-warming milestones – the creche, kinder, primary, secondary school, university graduations, birthdays from 18 to 90. And far too many funerals.

But bouncing babies are looming again as the Millennials in our lives are starting families, and my friends and I are getting our heads........

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