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Selfish dinosaur in a black ute

3 2 203
04.04.2019

OPINION: I've always thought there was a special place in hell reserved for people who drive colossal black utes. Not in the least because, every time I get tailgated, it's always by someone in a truck the size of my gym and called something like "Raptor" or "Falcon" or "Massive insecurity complex resulting from unresolved childhood trauma".

But mostly because their place on the lowest rung of my esteem was cemented last weekend by the guy in the ute outside Countdown.

The mall was crawling, the car park was chocka, and it was the claustrophobic clusterbomb of humanity that every Sunday shop is. As I was crawling through the car park looking for a spot, I watched an enormous brick of a ute sail into the last free space – the disabled parking spot. An enormous brick of a dude jumped out, flaunting his incredible able-bodiedness in one of those obscenely stringy, pec-flashing singlets designed to leave you in no doubt of how much he is benching, bro.

"Hey," I bleated instinctively out the window, "you can't park there, that's a disabled spot." The guy turned, stringy singlet flapping in the breeze like a g-string on........

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