We use cookies to provide some features and experiences in QOSHE

More information  .  Close
Aa Aa Aa
- A +

My struggles with Kiwi accent

8 0 0

OPINION: If implying you'll be attending an evening work function in underwear only is sexy, then I guess New Zealand does have the most seductive accent on Earth.

I'm surely one of countless Kiwis to have fallen into the pants trap in the UK. While our broad definition of the word does not discriminate on length, the Brits reckon it refers to lower undergarments only. Hence why my colleagues got all googly eyed when I said I was "just going to wear pants".

The dulcet Kiwi twang may just have been named the world's sexiest accent but, on my travels, it's led to misunderstandings and mockery far more often than kinky encounters or romance. Although the Nu Zilund accent does have a way of making certain innocuous words sound naughty.

As a 26-year-old in Australia with a phone number full of sixes, I felt like I was coming across as a sex addict with Tourette's. To their ears, I was constantly on about sex. Sick of making older male colleagues blush and others mock me mercilessly (some took to asking me what three plus three was so they could ridicule me on cue), I took to pretending I was 27 and writing my number down. I'm not ashamed of being a Kiwi but boy did those jokes - and being unwillingly provocative - get old.

* New Zealanders have the world's sexiest accent, study says
* Making fun of the way people speak reveals more about the mocker than the mocked
* Mum from Texas wakes up from surgery with British accent
* 'Yeah, nah' captures New Zealanders perfectly

It was around this time that fake ad about taking care of your deck came out. The one with the Kiwi bloke waxing lyrical about his beautiful big deck.

"I left my deck unprotected and it was warped out of shape in no time. I could barely recognise my own deck. Imagine that" he said, poker-faced, prompting laughter from more than a million YouTube viewers worldwide.

Suddenly, it was impossible for Kiwis to mention decks without being ridiculed - and it seems nothing has changed.

"Telling people you've been sitting on the deck comes across really wrong here," Shaye Te Akau, a Kiwi in Australia, says.


© Stuff