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Urgent steps to address problems

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OPINION: Hi Kiwis down there in Kiwiland. I'm Mark Zuckerberg, boy-wonder billionaire, robotic corporate overlord, and nerdy guy come to take your daughter to the prom. Just think of Tony Stark as played by a young, blond Peewee Herman.

Anyway kia ora to all you Kiwis. You know, following the terrible events that occurred in Christchurch two of your Earth weeks ago, there was much concern here at our company headquarters in Menlo Park, California. I for one changed my lock-screen to a sad-faced emoji for the entire day.

But Facebook's AI hive-mind empathy logarithm, which I uplink to every morning to via a micro-USB port located on a seldom-used part of my body, has now told me that that was not enough and we need to step up.

And that is why I am reaching out to you to tell you that Facebook is listening.


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