The English language has not caught up to the nuances of blended and chosen families.

“What do I call you?” the 7-year-old asked through a mouth full of pizza, staring at me curiously across the table.

It’s a question I’m asked frequently these days. My partner’s child, who uses they/them pronouns, is trying to figure out what word summarizes our relationship.

I’ve yet to find a suitable answer, much to their dissatisfaction.

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For someone in first grade, still learning the scope of our vast vocabulary, it no doubt sounds like a simple inquiry; there’s an assumption that words exist for everything. Their brain is rapidly picking up new descriptors for objects and concepts — even if those sometimes get scrambled, like when they call the liquor store two blocks from our house the “licorice store.”

When describing our relationship, however, we hit a wall. The English language has not caught up to the nuances of blended and chosen families. Our lexicon falls woefully short.

My partner, who is trans, is this kiddo’s dad. They also have a mom, who has a girlfriend. Collectively, we refer to ourselves as “their grownups,” like a middle-aged punk rock band. With some of us coming from single-parent homes, we bask in the luck of this child at having four adults to dote on them.

Yet there aren’t terms to explain........

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