Combat memories are indelible and active service members and veterans do whatever they can to cope. For many, it’s drinking.
The way I calculate it, I’ve been drunk for 9% of my existence.
I started drinking when I was 19 and stopped at 39. That’s 20 years. I drank roughly five days a week, for an average of about six hours each time. So that’s 30 hours a week for 20 years. There are 52 weeks in a year, but I’ll round that down to 50 to account for sporadic and short-lived stints on the wagon and prolonged hangovers. That’s 1,500 hours a year.
All told I’ve spent almost 3½ years of my life drunk, chasing that which can never be achieved through substance abuse — tranquility.
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Addiction is a disease, something that should be confirmed with the diagnosis of a medical doctor or a mental health specialist. I’ve seen lots of both, and none of them ever indicated that I suffered from the disease of addiction. But I know I’m a problem drinker. I know that if I keep drinking the way I have for most of my adult life, I’ll lose control. I know that I cannot drink responsibly. And so, I haven’t, not so much as a sip in the past 365 days.
I’ve learned some things about myself in that time, chiefly that it is possible for me to live my life without alcohol.
It’s something I’ve struggled........