Tesla’s humanoid robot “Optimus” distributes popcorn at a Christmas market stall during its presentation at the Mall of Berlin.

Your columnist will be here for you until the very end.

Now that we know that the very end is coming soon — artificial general intelligence will kill us all by 2030 — I have a plan for Californians’ last days together.

Introducing the California 2030 Doomsday Platform.

Article continues below this ad

You may not want to read on, but. you may actually enjoy this exercise. Why? Because, while the all-but-certain apocalypse is a drag, there is something freeing about giving up on tomorrow. We can drop all our crippling anxiety about the future, and live for the present.

The benefits of the Doomsday Agenda start at the top. We no longer have to spend time worrying about politics and government. That will improve our mental health, and take the heat off our state’s elected officials.

Consider Xavier Becerra. Critics complain that our governor-in-waiting has no plan for his first term. Now, no worries. He doesn’t need one! His first term will be everyone’s last term.

From that start, the Doomsday Platform almost writes itself. You just pull the plug on anything aimed at improving the state beyond 2030.

Article continues below this ad

California high-speed rail? Cancel it today. The........

© San Francisco Chronicle