Dear Diary, my attorney general nomination just advanced. I just had to pledge to make Dobbs permanent in every state and ban mailed abortion pills. Anything for Donny!

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Advanced out of committee this week. Twelve to ten. Every Republican, no Democrats. I did a small fist pump when I got the news. Kristine made pancakes. It’s a good day for the rule of law, I told her. That’s nice, dear, she said, and asked if I’d taken out the recycling. 

I have not taken out the recycling, Kristine. I have been thinking about that call I had last week—the one where I spent like an hour assuring some of the nation’s most committed Christians that I will end abortion.

The White House Faith Office organized the call. It was a prayer call, not a press call, which Intercessors for America, a national prayer group, made clear by instructing all journalists to hang up. But then the organizers posted the call to YouTube, where any journalist could listen to it. And then Politico reported what I said. And then the call disappeared from the internet. Now, everyone is losing their minds, all because of the lamestream media. (Does anyone even call it that anymore?)

Anyway, faith leaders were on the line. Anti-abortion people. All the usual Christians. They have been concerned that the administration is insufficiently focused on abortion merely because the president does not like discussing abortion and would prefer that everyone stop asking him about it. 

I assured them there was no cause for concern. Sure, Donny said on the campaign trail in 2024 that “the federal government should have nothing to do with this issue.” This issue being mailing abortion pills. But he says stuff all the time. 

So I........

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