Have you ever called yourself lazy even though everyone around you seems to think you’re doing a lot? Many high achievers—students, professionals, busy parents—often tell me they are lazy. Despite their packed schedules and impressive resumes, they’re convinced they’re not doing enough.
Take David, for instance (name changed for confidentiality). David is a PhD candidate at a top Ivy League institution with an excellent academic record, juggling research, teaching, and various conferences. Yet he often complained of being lazy and unproductive. In one of our recent sessions, he said wistfully, “I’ve been so lazy. I have a major presentation coming up, but all I do is binge-watch Netflix and doom scroll…”
David isn't lazy. His behavior was the result of burnout and anxious avoidance. The pressure to deliver a perfect presentation was paralyzing, and the fear of not meeting his own high standards led him to procrastinate. Instead of taking mindful breaks, David found himself engaging in anxious avoidance, which left him drained and stuck in a cycle of self-criticism and anxiety.
This kind of “lazy” behavior is actually quite common. It’s easy to assume that watching TV or mindlessly scrolling through social media means someone isn’t motivated, but for people like David, it often signals something deeper.
Anxious avoidance is the act of procrastinating because of a fear of failure. High achievers often experience intense anxiety about meeting deadlines or producing perfect work. The fear of not doing a “good enough” job becomes so overwhelming that they freeze and avoid the task altogether. The longer they avoid it, the more their anxiety builds, perpetuating a vicious cycle of shame and self-blame.
Imagine your brain is like a car stuck in neutral, revving but unable to move forward. You want to get started, but........