A Novel Approach to Navigate Hard Conversations at Work |
Young staff bring different perspectives and expectations to the workplace.
Seasoned colleagues may need to focus on preventing unnecessary conflict.
There are four steps you can take to help you lead well in seasons of conflict.
Young teammates need leaders to answer three key fundamental questions.
Your youngest team members may just be different from the rest of your team, and the most vivid illustration of this difference is in how they perceive hard feedback.
Hard is now seen as harsh.
Requests for mediation or support around perceived microaggressions, emotional distress, or communication breakdowns are on the rise. Coaches often refer to Gen Z as a fragile population, as many parents failed to prepare them for careers. In fact, today, being offended is often a form of moral high ground. Empathy is required.
Professional is now seen as personal.
I see a pattern where younger employees are likely to frame feedback as personally harmful, as unfair attacks, or lacking in psychological safety. They feel “you’re not just criticizing what I did, you’re invalidating who I am.” Any criticism feels like an assault. The amygdala in their brains can react as if they’re in physical pain.
Conflict is now canceled.
Gen Zers may wish to cancel any experience that’s disagreeable. Managers are unsure how to proceed for fear of being reported to HR. Instead of discussing the problem with their manager, HR is called to police it. People can feel like victims. Outrage has been normalized on social media, and it’s now entered the workplace.
This challenge is obviously not limited to the young. But it’s common for Gen Zers to report being “flooded,” a psychological term describing how they feel overwhelmed, feeling pressure, huge expectations, and uncertainty. Some now practice “bathroom camping,” which involves a staff member locking themselves in a restroom stall until they can collect themselves emotionally.
I believe these realities compel leaders to adapt their approach to tough interactions.
A Novel Approach That Increases Your Chances of Resolution
In my new book, The Future Begins with Z, I explain how you can lead Generation Z to help them catch up emotionally with older generations. They bring so much to work teams—strengths that will help you navigate the future—but you’ll need to adapt to get them ready. When you need to have a tough conversation at work, I suggest this path.
First, host a meeting to discuss expectations right away. Put tough issues on the table up front. Clarify that your aim is to reduce conflict in the future. (Conflict expands based on the distance between expectations and reality). Tell them: “Our number one goal is to help you succeed here.” Let them know the work is hard, but it’s worth it. Keep your standards high—and communicate your belief that they can meet them. Put these standards and expectations in print.
Second, in subsequent difficult conversations, let them lead off first. Ask them to share their perspective. What’s their take on the hard situation? Do they see it differently than you? This will inform how you need to direct the discussion. Allowing them to go first gives them a chance to feel heard. As you respond, reiterate how much you believe in them and their ability to do the job. They need high belief and high expectations.
Third, return to the original expectations you shared in your earlier meeting. It’s always wise to go back to what both parties agreed upon. If one side failed, acknowledge it at this point. The standards serve as a “plumb line” from which you measure both staff and leaders. This prevents meetings from spiraling into subjective “he said, she said” cycles.
Finally, always communicate care and competence up front. This deepens trust. My focus groups with Gen Z members revealed they often feel like a “commodity” that’s used and eventually thrown away. Gen Z needs to know you care for them as humans. Find ways to consistently demonstrate your care for them. This lubricates any friction.
Three Questions They Are Silently Asking
Pat Lencioni, founder of The Table Group, remains one of my favorite leaders and consultants anywhere. He reminds me that my new employees—especially young ones—are asking three questions of their supervisor. I must answer these clearly:
Gen Zers tell me they long for a connection with their leader. They also said their leader thinks they know them, but they really don’t. You must get past clichés and genuinely show you care for them and want to know them better as people, not just workers.
Am I doing a good job?
Surveys show Gen Zers want daily check-ins with their boss. My focus groups let me know they’re often confused about how they’re doing if they haven’t heard any clear feedback from their leaders. No news is not good news for Gen Z. Let them know.
I’ve said it often—they need meaning, not just money as compensation. Leaders must connect their seemingly unimportant tasks to the big picture, showing how their work helps achieve the mission. Bosses need to improve at telling them their work matters.
My friend Renee Walter told me, “Generation Z is the sandpaper on my leadership I did not know I needed.” That’s so true for me. If you let them, they will make you a better leader.
Pat Lencioni, Founder of The Table Group.
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