A quick Google search on the topic reveals a plethora of Reddit anecdotes from many women who've been through a relationship with a porn user. Studies show that up to 14 percent of young men report problematic or compulsive porn use (Baker and Wenzel, 2020; Kumar and Anis, 2016; Weinstein and Lejoyeux, 2017). For women, the rate drops to 4.7 percent (Möser and Wölfling, 2018). Many people are in relationships with a porn-using partner.

Most of the research on the experiences of partners of porn users focuses on the female partners. This research suggests that having a porn-using partner affects mental health, relationship satisfaction, and sexual health.

Partners often feel betrayed in many ways. Time spent compulsively watching porn detracts from the time and energy devoted to the relationship. Additionally, porn users frequently conceal or lie about their behavior to avoid consequences. Excessive and compulsive porn consumption can affect partners in ways that resemble the impact of infidelity (Anderson, 2024). Women with porn-using partners report feeling neglected, emotionally abandoned, less valued, and as if they are treated as secondary to porn (Szymanski, Feltman, and Dunn, 2015). It may be difficult for partners to trust their significant other to be there for them when they cannot trust them to stop compulsive behavior.

Sexual satisfaction is closely tied to emotional safety, so it isn’t surprising that partners of compulsive porn users often feel less sexually satisfied. Many men who compulsively use porn to porn develop unrealistic expectations based on watching paid actors perform, rather than learning from healthy models of authentic sexuality. Many women report feeling pressured to engage in sex acts they find uncomfortable or degrading or feeling objectified (Lee and colleagues, 2023; Szymanski, Feltman, and Dunn, 2015). Both porn-using men and their partners struggle sexually as a result of the addiction.

Women in these relationships often feel compared with the women on the screen, both in appearance and sexuality. They report that their sense of self-worth is impacted by comparisons to idealized or digitally altered images (Szymanski, Feltman, and Dunn, 2015). This sense of inadequacy or feeling less desired causes emotional distress and lower relationship satisfaction (Johnson and Wilson, 2020; Smith and colleagues, 2021). As one Reddit user who shared their experience with a porn-using partner put it:

"You will never be good enough. You will never be smooth enough. You will never be skinny enough. You will never be curvy enough. You will never have a big enough chest. You will never have a big enough ass. You will never be enough, period."

Women with porn-using partners face many struggles, and their experiences deserve to be heard. Compulsive porn use has profound ripple effects on a partner’s relationship happiness, self-esteem, and sexual satisfaction. The science shows that partners of porn users need support, yet they often do not receive it within their relationships.

References

www.Dr-Tasha.com

Anderson, P. (2024). The emotional and relational impact of pornography on female partners. Journal of Relationship Psychology, 15(1), 45-60.

Baker, F. C., & Wenzel, P. (2020). "The association between use of pornography and sexual function in men." JAMA Network Open, 3(6), e2012422. doi:10.1001/jamanetworkopen.2020.12422.

Brown, T., & Taylor, R. (2022). Pornography use and its effect on trust and communication in romantic relationships. Journal of Social and Clinical Studies, 18(3), 120-135.

Johnson, M., & Wilson, L. (2020). Psychological distress in partners of pornography users: A review. Clinical Psychology Quarterly, 9(2), 85-98.

Kumar, S., & Anis, S. (2016). "Prevalence of problematic pornography use among university students: A cross-sectional study." However, be sure to verify and check the latest literature for the most current statistics since research is continually evolving.

Lee, S., Kim, H., & Park, J. (2023). Sexual expectations and dynamics in couples affected by pornography consumption. Sexual Behavior Studies, 27(4), 210-225.

Möser, C., & Wölfling, K. (2018). "The prevalence of problematic pornography use among women." International Journal of Cyber Behavior, Psychology and Learning, 8(4), 1-13. doi:10.4018/IJCBPL.2018100101.

Szymanski, D. M., Feltman, C. E., & Dunn, T. L. (2015). Male partners’ perceived pornography use and women’s relational and psychological health: The roles of trust, attitudes, and investment. Sex Roles, 73, 187-199.

Smith, J., Anderson, K., & Martinez, L. (2021). Relationship satisfaction in couples navigating pornography use. Journal of Couple Studies, 14(5), 95-112.

Weinstein, A., & Lejoyeux, M. (2017). "A clinical study of patients with compulsive sexual behavior." BMC Psychiatry, 17, 1-10. doi:10.1186/s12888-017-1396-4.

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