Helping Your Child Navigate Emotions When You're Overwhelmed |
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It's normal for parents to feel overwhelmed when their child is upset. We can't fix their problems for them.
Build lasting skills by processing with them, not for them. Start with empathy and honoring their distress.
Pinpoint the thoughts under the feeling, fact check interpretations, and generate new perspectives.
We’ve all been there. Your 4-year-old can only find one of their spaceman boots and is in total meltdown; your middle schooler begs not to go to school because they’re convinced they have no one to sit with at lunch; your teen has stormed off when you simply asked if they started their homework. Meanwhile, you are just trying to make it through the finish line of the day. Somehow, it’s not looking good.
Our overwhelm meets their distress. It’s a stressful emotional gridlock.
Forward Is Toward: Carry Your Child’s Emotions With Them, not for Them
Our overwhelm often comes from feeling like we have to change course: Do an abrupt swerve to stop or fix what our kids are feeling. And of course, it’s not like our kids don’t want that, but it’s not like that’s all they want either. Witness how, when we make a beeline for solutions, kids often respond with: “You don’t understand! You’re just trying to fix it! You never listen to me!”
But rather than whisking them away from their feelings, our best move is to go toward their emotions with them.
What is the best way for kids to process their emotions? I have created a process I call the Seven Shifts, and it works for any age—parents and kids alike.
Getting Our Bearings First: Try the Route........