Cherelle is an upbeat 32 year-old manager at an advertising agency, and married mother of two children. Outwardly, things appear to be going well in her life. She is in good health, succeeding at her job, and her kids are thriving. However, when it comes to her relationship with her husband, she obsesses and finds herself getting stuck in the same pattern over and over again.
In an effort to please him, she is always doing things for him and ends up feeling exhausted on a regular basis. Her husband, a kind man, often encourages her to slow down and to take time off from work and her responsibilities at home to nourish herself. When she does heed his advice for a girl’s night out, or a weekend away, she repeatedly checks in to see how he and the kids are doing.
Despite his reassurance they are all fine and pleas to enjoy herself, she still worries and seeks constant approval. Sometimes she even feels guilty wondering if he is secretly upset with her for going out. On these occasions, she’ll cut her time short and beeline back home to be with him. Once home, she will complain he is not paying enough attention to her, and they’ll end up arguing. This ongoing pattern has led them both to feeling dissatisfied with their relationship.
What is going on?
Cherelle, like many others, is overly preoccupied with her spouse, which is emblematic of an anxious attachment style – one which may have been modeled to her at a young age. As an adult, this unhealthy type of attachment is associated with feelings of discontent in romantic relationships.
In fact, in a recent study of 120 young adults aged 18-35 who were dating or married, a significant negative correlation was reported between anxious attachment styles and relationship satisfaction.
Additionally, in another study of 250 couples, researchers found anxious attachment styles to have a negative effect on psychological well-being and marital satisfaction.
In order to understand Cherelle’s negative behavioral pattern, it may be helpful to look back at her early childhood experiences.........