Over a decade ago, I wrote a post called "Don't Try to Reason with Unreasonable People." It's the most popular piece I've ever written. A year prior, I'd escaped a destructive relationship with the help of an expert who helps women recover from relationships with personality-disordered partners. In that post, I shared the most powerful tactics I'd learned, strategies that continue to be invaluable.

Unfortunately, as I learned in that process, I fit a personality and profile that make me vulnerable to this type of individual. I wasn’t going to fall into the same traps and poor judgments again, but these people come cloaked in a variety of styles of “sheep’s clothing.”

As a result, I’ve gained more unwelcome experience through close encounters of this kind. So, I’m circling back to share fresh, hard-won insights and strategies that I hope will help you.

Those who get enmeshed with people with destructive personalities tend to be optimistic, long-suffering, and loyal. Our brains struggle to process the fact that someone who is otherwise so nice, and well-liked by others, could have said or done that.

Surely that was just anomalous behavior? They were probably tired, or unusually stressed. They apologized, so they must be truly sorry. And won’t do it again.

We experience cognitive dissonance when the same person is alternately wonderful and awful. We try to resolve that dissonance by focusing on the positive.........

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