Shaming others asserts moral or intellectual superiority.

Shaming labels are often inherently biased and superficial.

The goal of shaming is usually to silence disagreement or coerce compliance with the shamer’s will.

Shaming typically has the opposite effect of what the shamer wants.

Shaming is an ancient form of social control. In the old days it was the privilege of kings, lords, and clergy. Though more democratic in our times, it remains inherently hierarchical; we feel morally or intellectually superior to those we shame.

These days, politicians often confuse “fighting for constituents” with sounding like Internet trolls. Shaming has created a mobocracy in social media, where shamers try to feel morally or intellectually superior. In my long clinical experience, I've found that those who regularly shame others often suffer from a degree of imposter syndrome.

Shaming is a perdurable form of social control because it attacks the basic human desire for belonging and respect. It can be directed at individuals (“coward,” “racist,” “disgusting,” “disgraceful”) or entire classes of people (“low-born,” “untouchable,” “unworthy”).

In both cases, it imposes moral judgment on personhood, rather than behavior; it defines people not by what they’ve done but by whom the shamer perceives them to be. It narrows identity, distorts moral understanding, and either perpetuates injustice or substitutes one form an injustice for another.

In terms of psychological function, shaming is less reaction than preemptive judgment. The brain's penchant for tacit and snap judgments is how shaming generalizes from individuals to groups. Because shamed people tend to react negatively, shaming is the ultimate in self-fulfilling prophesy.

Shaming implies permanence—once a coward, always a coward. While shaming someone, we fail to recognized that human beings are complex, capable of both failure and growth. Even when prompted by specific immoral behavior, as opposed to its more common use of punishing those who disagree with us, shaming reduces people to their worst moment, while denying the possibility of redemption and moral development.

Class labels like “peasant,” “untouchable,” or “unworthy” do not correspond to actions at all; they assign inferiority based on class. Unlike individual shaming, which may at least be tied to a specific behavior, class-based shaming is detached from personal responsibility. It marks entire groups as inherently lesser.

Often, the goal of shaming is to silence disagreement or coerce compliance with the shamer’s will. This is usually only successful with young children, and even then, it risks making them sneaky. (Every deceitful person I've treated in the past four decades was shamed as a young child.)

Teens and adults, on the other hand, typically respond to shaming behavior with reciprocity. Can you think of a time when you shamed someone and weren’t shamed in response? In reciprocation, shaming hardens divisions, corrodes compassion, and erodes the foundation of modern ethics—the principle of human dignity.

In families, shaming is bound to get you more of what you don’t want. For example, many partners try to improve communication by shaming their partners:

“Why won’t you talk to me? Your selfish, inconsiderate, uncommunicative, uncaring.”

“Why won’t you talk to me? Your selfish, inconsiderate, uncommunicative, uncaring.”

Shaming evokes silence or anger; rarely does it improve communication.

Why Shaming Shouldn't Be Confused with Accountability

The irony of shaming people to hold them accountable is that the shamers are not accountable for the harm they do. Criticism can be firm without being dehumanizing. It can focus on what was done, why it matters, and, most important, how it can be changed.

Cultures that rely heavily on shaming tend to become rigid, punitive, intolerant, hypocritical, unjust, and fractionalized, with diminished compassion and allegiance to truth. It becomes unaccountable.

In contrast, tempering moral judgments with humility and compassion fosters genuine moral responsibility. It can hold people accountable without stripping them of dignity, and it can challenge inequality without reinforcing it.

To move toward a more humane moral order, we must be willing to examine how and why we shame others. We must try to uphold values in ways that do not violate humane values by diminishing others.

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