The Saver and Spender in Marriage |
Couple therapists would agree that struggles over money can lead to serious relationship difficulties, even divorce. The most common dynamic I have experienced in my clinical practice is when a saver is in a relationship with or married to a spender. The saver appears financially frugal or, in extreme cases, cheap, and the spender is financially freewheeling or, in extreme cases, out-of-control.
On the surface, it looks like this couple is a gross mismatch, and they often present that way in couple therapy. The saver complains of all the debt the spender has accumulated, and the number of times he or she has bailed the spender out of trouble. The spender in turn becomes defensive, presenting evidence that his or her spending is necessary, not frivolous – some even claim that unlucky circumstances are the culprit. Regardless, a control struggle is in place that reflects a parent/saver - child/spender dynamic. The saver seeks better control over the couple’s finances and fiscal responsibility, while the spender seeks freedom........